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Anonymous asks:
Q:

Should I plead guilty or innocent to these charges by mother of boy I fell in love with?

im being charged with terroristic threatening by the mother of a boy i fell in love with.  (im a gay boy) im 16 hes 14. i wrote him a lot of notes and we became good frends. i told him im gay and he was fine with it. i asked him out and he sed he wasnt gay but i didnt give up.  i kept writing notes. and through my attempts to make him feel the same way we became best frends. at one time i was at his house and his mother made me angry. in one note i wrote tht his mother was a bitch and id kill her if i ever thought i cood get away with it. i was angry and simply venting my emotions. i did not meen it. all the notes i wrote him were written in a notebook including tht one. wen summer strted i went on vacation and i woodnt be able to see him for 6 weeks so i left tht notebook with him. a few weeks after i left his mom went through his bakpak and found the book and red it. now shes charging me for a note i wrote months and months ago. how shood i plead. guilty of threatening or not. id appriciate any feedbak or thoughts.
In Topics: Teen issues, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Dr.Susan
Jul 30, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

Hi there,
It sounds like a very tough situation for you and I'm so sorry you and your friend are struggling with it.

I VERY strongly suggest that you read dgraab's posting below and take all her advice--especially about getting a lawyer to help you make the right decision because it is a decision that can impact on your entire future!

Good Wishes and Great Parenting,
Dr Susan Bartell
JustAsk Expert
www.drsusanbartell.com
Twitter @drsusanbartell
NEW book “The Top 50 Questions Kids Ask”

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Additional Answers (5)

BigSis
BigSis writes:
This is a tough question and I'm glad that you are reaching out to get advice.

I knew someone in college who hated their room mate and a similar situation aroused. My friend "Rob" is a nice guy but had a little trouble with his anger. "Tom" was his room mate and he did things that really set off Rob. They shared the dorm room and Tom would place his trash (filled with stinky garbage) by the head of Rob's bed, Tom would play his music loud when Rob was trying to sleep at night; basically he did rude things with no regard to Rob's feelings. The last act that set Rob off was when Tom stole his bath things in the public dorm showers. Tom was bragging to the other guys on their floor that he did this and felt like he was so clever. Rob was furious when he found out! He wrote him a note calling him names and threatening his life. Rob didn't mean it of course, but he was livid at that point. Tom then took the note and brought it to campus police. Rob, even though he was the one who was being bullied, was kicked out of the dorms, forbidden to approach Tom, had to take an anger management class and had to do community service.

I think that even though it may seem unfair and that you really didn't mean what you said THAT way, I believe that you should admit to it. Every action has a consequence, good or bad. Own up to your mistake and deal with it now, instead of running away from the problem and having it haunt you. Apologize to your friend's mother and to your friend. Try your best to show them that you are a good person and you used poor judgement when you wrote those things about his mom and that you would never threaten anyone ever again.

Good luck to you and I hope you make the right choices.
> 60 days ago

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mleano8
mleano8 , Student writes:
You know, I can appreciate you going after something you really feel for & keepin your eye on the prize (love). I can also understand how parents can, metaphorically speaking, act as a gigantic, concrete wall between you and the person you care for. I hope you do understand (no matter what she said) this is not a slight on you but more for what she feels is the protection of her child, being that you two are still relatively young in the grand scheme of things.

In any case, emotions can run high and things can and will be written/said in the moment. It's only after the adrenaline rush and flood emotions have passed you by, does rationalization start to kick in. Unfortunately for you, these thoughts and emotions were put on a paper and ended up in the hands of a person you were writing about (sucks). This is a tough situation and I think you should not try to run from it...it may only make things worse. This will be a learning experience for you and understand that for every action there is always an outcome (good or bad). Part of growing into a man is owning up to your own actions. This may not be how you envisioned "owning up to your own actions" but ultimately I think you will endure less consequences in the long run, believe it or not.

When it's all said and done, I suggest you apologize to your friend and to his mom for what you wrote down and let her know that, "hey, i was angry, the blood was flowin', and i got caught up in the moment. I didn't mean any of it and I still dont intend for any harm to come your way. I'm sorry." Another plus to this is that these signs of maturity may have a positive outlook on your relationship with your friend and his mom after the legalities have passed.
> 60 days ago

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dgraab
dgraab , Parent writes:
Hello,

I'm sorry to hear that you are in this situation. Being charged and convicted of a crime (particularly one that accuses you of "terroristic threatening") is a very serious problem that can have long-lasting consequences. If you haven't already done so, please immediately discuss this matter with your parents and get legal representation and advice in person, rather than via an online forum.

If your family can't afford a lawyer, you may be able to request that the court appoint a public defender for you. There may also be a chapter of the Legal Aid Society in your area that can help you (do a Google search for "Legal Aid Society" and you should see "local results").

If you need to talk to a counselor about your feelings and get help with referral to local resources, you may reach out to Boys Town National Hotline: 1-800-448-3000 It is free to call Boys Town, and their trained counselors can respond to your questions every day of the week, 365 days a year.

While I applaud your courage in sharing your story here in JustAsk, I strongly encourage you to seek additional help offline, involving your parents and a licensed legal professional.
> 60 days ago

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gmcv90
gmcv90 writes:
I can see both sides of this but as a mother you want to protect your child in every way but I know you were venting and it should be taken that way. You might try and see if you have a lawyer if he/she can have a meeting and see if you can try and explain what you were feeling at the time. Please remember I'm not a lawyer in anyway and you should always have them in on all of this because you canmake it worse for yourself if you don't. I wish you all the best in this and God be with you. I will keep you in me prays and thoughts through out the days ahead.

Again GODS SPEED always depend on him he will never let you down.
> 60 days ago

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Karenmom
Karenmom writes:
It must have been so hard to reach out and ask this question.  Hopefully you have found the answers here that will help you through this difficult time.  I'm sure that you understand the Mother of the boy you speak of.  It is her place to protect her son from all who mean harm and you admittedly said that he was not interested in you other than a friend and yet you continued to force yourself and views upon him.  That's not much of a friend?!  Although, you did not and do not mean any harm to the Mother of the boy, your actions were harmful and hurtful not only to the Mother but also to the boy that you claim to have such feelings for, do you think he'd honestly appreciate your comments and threats about his own Mother?  Again, I'm not seeing the friendship here?!  

I believe that you will need an attorney and a professional counselor.  Discuss these matters with your parents and get their views and support to reconcile these acts, meanwhile, I recommend keeping my distance from the boy involved and his family.

Best wishes to you!
> 60 days ago

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