Way too much pressure.

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03leee asks:

Hi.
I'm a freshman and I can't deal with all the pressure anymore.
I know that my parents love me and they care strongly about what I will become in the future. They want me to succeed in life and their only way for me to achieve that is getting perfect GPA scores, having lots of leadership roles and being the best at everything. They have high standards for me and my sister. Since my sister is the "perfect" girl with the top GPA scores and lots of awards, they have no problem with her the problem is me.
To let you have an idea of how strict my mother is, she never lets me have a facebook account and if she catches me doing anything else on the computer other than homework or on educational sites, she starts yelling and bringing up our family's financial problems and making big assumptions that I am a computer addict which I am sure I'm not. Just today I was on youtube watching videos and I ended up crying after she "told me off" when she caught me. I don't know why I'm even using the word "caught".
I transferred into a new school. I used to be the vice president and had perfect scores in my old school. Over here they have a whole new system and I am having a hard time adopting to it. When my mother brings up how great I was before and how awful I am now, I really feel bad about myself. I know that she's doing everything because she cares and she wishes I go to a good university with an awesome life but I really can't stand all the pressure anymore.

In Topics: Teen issues

> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline

Dec 22, 2011

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What the Expert Says:

Hello,

We are so sorry you are struggling so much with the relationship with your mother. We are glad that you recognize that the reason she is so hard onyou is because she loves you and wants you to succeed. Sometimes that can be easy to forget, especially when parents push us so hard.

We recommend writing your mother a letter. Tell her how much you care for her first, then let her know how it feels to write this letter. Writing a letter like this can be scary or nerve-racking, so tell her that from the beginning and tell her why. Then tell her about how much pressure you are feeling. Acknowledge that you recognize that she just wants you to succeed, but that you are feeling really down due to what is occuring. Be sure to only talk about how you feel and not to tell her that she is doing anything wrong. If she percieves that she is being attacked in the letter than she probably will not respond positively. Then end the letter with some more validation about how much you care for her. A letter like this can go a long way toward, not only addressing the problem, but bringing you and your mother closer together. We wish you luck!

Counselor, Dominic
Boys Town National Hotline-A resource for Parents and Teens
1-800-448-3000
www.yourlifeyourvoice.org

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Additional Answers (2)

surkaikandace , Parent writes:

I think she needs to back off and let you make choices of your own. She is treating you like a little girl. Have a talk with her, and let her know how she is making you feel. She needs to respect you. Don't let this go on any longer.

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haileycolt writes:

tell her how she makes you feel when she yells at you and let her know that GPA isn't every thing if you try your hardest and take classes that are difficult for you and you are a well rounded student, colleges are not going to care what your GPA is because its not the only thing they look at on an application. Remember to be true to your self and take a little time off to relax from the grind of school as long as it doesn't put you behind, and let your parents know how much they are hurting you otherwise you cant do anything about it and they wont change how they act. also it may help to talk to a school councilor to help with the stress and they may be able to help with your parents and your home life.

> 60 days ago

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