I have problems communicating with my kid's friend's parents about our kids fighting.

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Miriam1 asks:

My boy picked up his first fight (or... so I did) -- I have problems communicating with my kid's friends parents about kids fighting, I asked them to be on the watch and that we should not allow them to fight again. Both kids are first graders I really think that it is not okay to let them fight, the friend got kicked hard once and my son got knock down once. I think I passed the information alright to my son about fighting not been acceptable; however the other parents decided to split up with us instead of trying to work it out. I care about both kids and their social development. Is there any thing to do/say or just let it cool?

Member Added on Oct 22, 2009

I want to thank all of you for your thoughtful advice. I feel strong, and my thoughts are clear after reading your advice and reviewing the documentation, thank you for your input. Sincerely, -m

In Topics: Friendships and peer relationships, Discipline and behavior challenges

> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline

Oct 22, 2009

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What the Expert Says:

Your right to be concerned. A certain amount of "rough play" is expected between young boys that are friends. However, it is possible for boys to cross the line of what is appropriate and what is not. Most imortantly is that you are instilling in your son the values that you feel are important. If you don't want him fighting, that's what you need to tell him.

Try speaking with the parents of your son's friend again. Explain to them how you feel about them fighting and ask if they are willing to support you. Be mindful that you are not accusing their son of anything or making them feel bad for the way they are parenting their child. Simply explain to them in a kind way why you feel the way you do. If they still choose not to support you in stopping the fighting, then maybe it's a good idea not to let him play with that friend. Of course you can't prevent them from hanging out at school togther, but their behavior should be controlled by school administrators and teachers during the day. You can even give your son's teacher a head's up about what's been happening and ask that they keep an eye on how rough their play is while at recess, etc.

You have every right to ask that your son refrain from fighting. Teaching your son that violence isn't the answer will be something that he should carry with him into adulthood.

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dgraab

Oct 21, 2009

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Hi Miriam,

I think it's wonderful that you are exploring ways to help both children with their friendship and social development, and want to work with the other parents involved as well. This seems healthier than holding a grudge against the other child and his/her family.

Here are some resources on Education.com you may find helpful to the situation:

Biting, Pushing, Pulling Hair—Helping Children with Aggression
http://www.education.com/reference/article/biting-pushing-help-children-aggression/

Anger Management
http://www.education.com/reference/article/anger-management/

Problem Solving or Conflict Resolution
http://www.education.com/reference/article/problem-solving-conflict-resolution/

Good luck - I hope your son is able to learn from this, and avoid physically fighting with his friend again. Unfortunately, you can't control the other parents' response to the problem, but you can prepare your son for the next time he and the friend disagree or have conflict. And while the fight occurred on a play date, I would still inform the children's teachers -- particularly if they play together at recess.

Resources:

http://www.education.com/grade/first-grade/

http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing/

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Additional Answers (4)

MrsDorothy writes:

Without having knowledge of all the details, I offer two suggestions for you to consider. If the fight occurs at school, allow educators to resolve the matter and as a parent of course you should stay abreast of the situation. Educators at your son's school would have the authority to communicate with each child's parent (s). Educators could also be instrumental in bringing both sets of parents together in a conference setting should such become necessary.

Secondly, if your child's friend continues to associate with your son outside of the school setting, try befriending the child.

MrsDorothy

> 60 days ago

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