MOM2ECC2
asks:
Q:
When to consider professional help
My son's teacher phoned to say that my 1st grade son has been rough housing not only on the playground, but that it's carrying over into the classroom as well. Last night, I discovered he and his sister were playing a strangling "game"...I was mortified! We are not a violent family, Dad works, I work from home and volunteer in his classroom...is there some kind of disturbance that I should be more concerned with? At what point do I need to consider professional "help" for him? I'm afraid of stigmatizing him, but this kind of behavior can't go on...
In Topics:
Learning disabilities
> 60 days ago
Answers (1)
Dear Mom2EECC2,
It can certainly be unsettling to see and hear about your child engaging in rough, physical play. The safety of your child (and his peers) is your top priority, and I can tell that you have given this a great deal of thought.
Rough housing is a very common aspect of child development and many experts point to the important learning that occurs within the context of rough housing. Children learn about touch, light and heavy, further developing their sensory systems. They also develop stronger muscles, facilitating fine and gross motor skills. Finally, they learn about give-and-take with others. That is, they learn about how to get along with peers and siblings, contributing to their social understanding.
Thus, rough housing can be a positive experience, but there are certainly times when children seek out and initiate physical activity with others at inappropriate times, when others do not wish to participate, and when the play is so rough, children get hurt. Depending upon the extent of your son's rough housing, this may be an issue that you can monitor and manage with some strong limits and consequences.
1. Set firm ground rules around when your son is allowed to rough house and with whom. At home with his sister may be appropriate, but rough housing in the classroom is not.
2. Set firm ground rules on the type of rough housing that is allowed. Strangling is not ok. Explain to your children that strangling can result in a loss of oxygen to the brain that could lead to fainting, brain damage or, worse, death. Many children and adults have accidentally died rough housing and this is not an activity to mess around with. Explain to your son (and daughter) what the consequences are for rough housing in non-designated areas, with the wrong person, and engaging in unsafe rough housing. Usually, immediate separation and time-out.
3. You may wish to set an additional rule that if "approved" rough housing is occurring and someone cries, the rough housing will be brought to an immediate end and a time out will occur. Your children will soon learn that rough housing that gets too aggressive leads to punishment.
Overall, I don't believe that your son needs to see a mental health professional at this time. I think with proper education and limit setting, his rough housing should diminish. You should definitely keep an eye on this and if you discover that your son continues to be rough with peers, and if he becomes rough with animals, you should seek out the advice of a professional.
Also, I noticed that you tagged your question with "Learning Disabilities." If you son has a learning disability or ADHD, it is not uncommon for children with these conditions to have a "sensory need" for deep, pressure stimulation. That is, they need the heavier touch before their sensory system registers it. These children often seek out rough housing and other rough physical activities to get the stimulation they need. There are treatments that can help to allay this need. An occupation therapist (see second link below) can help assess and recommend appropriate interventions (e.g., wearing a weighted vest for a few minutes a day).
Good luck!
L. Compian, Ph.D.
Counseling Psychologist
Education.com Expert Panel
It can certainly be unsettling to see and hear about your child engaging in rough, physical play. The safety of your child (and his peers) is your top priority, and I can tell that you have given this a great deal of thought.
Rough housing is a very common aspect of child development and many experts point to the important learning that occurs within the context of rough housing. Children learn about touch, light and heavy, further developing their sensory systems. They also develop stronger muscles, facilitating fine and gross motor skills. Finally, they learn about give-and-take with others. That is, they learn about how to get along with peers and siblings, contributing to their social understanding.
Thus, rough housing can be a positive experience, but there are certainly times when children seek out and initiate physical activity with others at inappropriate times, when others do not wish to participate, and when the play is so rough, children get hurt. Depending upon the extent of your son's rough housing, this may be an issue that you can monitor and manage with some strong limits and consequences.
1. Set firm ground rules around when your son is allowed to rough house and with whom. At home with his sister may be appropriate, but rough housing in the classroom is not.
2. Set firm ground rules on the type of rough housing that is allowed. Strangling is not ok. Explain to your children that strangling can result in a loss of oxygen to the brain that could lead to fainting, brain damage or, worse, death. Many children and adults have accidentally died rough housing and this is not an activity to mess around with. Explain to your son (and daughter) what the consequences are for rough housing in non-designated areas, with the wrong person, and engaging in unsafe rough housing. Usually, immediate separation and time-out.
3. You may wish to set an additional rule that if "approved" rough housing is occurring and someone cries, the rough housing will be brought to an immediate end and a time out will occur. Your children will soon learn that rough housing that gets too aggressive leads to punishment.
Overall, I don't believe that your son needs to see a mental health professional at this time. I think with proper education and limit setting, his rough housing should diminish. You should definitely keep an eye on this and if you discover that your son continues to be rough with peers, and if he becomes rough with animals, you should seek out the advice of a professional.
Also, I noticed that you tagged your question with "Learning Disabilities." If you son has a learning disability or ADHD, it is not uncommon for children with these conditions to have a "sensory need" for deep, pressure stimulation. That is, they need the heavier touch before their sensory system registers it. These children often seek out rough housing and other rough physical activities to get the stimulation they need. There are treatments that can help to allay this need. An occupation therapist (see second link below) can help assess and recommend appropriate interventions (e.g., wearing a weighted vest for a few minutes a day).
Good luck!
L. Compian, Ph.D.
Counseling Psychologist
Education.com Expert Panel
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