LoriDay
,
Teacher
asks:
Q:
What do you see as the pros and cons of the new "extreme parenting" we are hearing more and more about?
Amy Chua's recent book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is stirring a lot of debate over her self-described "Chinese mother" style of strict parenting. I'm interested in hearing from parents who advocate for this type of parenting and those who don't. Here is the New York Times book review:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/18/books/review/...
In Topics:
School and Academics, My child's growth and development, Discipline and behavior challenges
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/18/books/review/...
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Additional Answers (3)
My best friend and I had an hour discussion yesterday about the “Tiger Mother”. We’re both Chinese and raise our children very differently. She calls me the “tiger mom” and I am not proud to admit that I really am. For undergraduate and graduate studies, my major was child development. I also took many early children education classes for my preschool site supervisor permit. So in some ways, I should know better and know that “strictness” does not work in educating and fostering children’s potential, creativity, and self-esteem. However and unfortunately, due to my son’s personality and speech delays, he needs a lot of structure and strictness. My son has the kind of personality where you need to show him who’s the boss, otherwise he will step all over you.
I don’t know if there is a necessary pro and con in strict parenting. I just think that strict parenting works for some kids but not others. You just need to know what your child personality is and what works best. In general though, I know that strict parenting doesn’t work well with older kids – particularly with teenager – when they are in their rebellious stage. I’ve tone down quite with my son as he is getting older.
I don’t know if there is a necessary pro and con in strict parenting. I just think that strict parenting works for some kids but not others. You just need to know what your child personality is and what works best. In general though, I know that strict parenting doesn’t work well with older kids – particularly with teenager – when they are in their rebellious stage. I’ve tone down quite with my son as he is getting older.
> 60 days ago
Hi LoriDay,
Interesting question, I just saw her in an interview this morning discussing her book. She seems to me to have some regrets about some of the comments that she makes in the book though, and said that 50% of the book was just her "sense of humor". I was sitting with my husband during this interview and when she said "no matter how exhausted my mom was, she always checked my homework and A- just wasn't good enough" my husband looked at me and said "you're a tiger mom".
I strongly believe in a good education and encourage my preschooler and 3rd grader to do the best they can, we learn through fun activities though, but I have had to get strict at times especially when it came to writing. I'm also a protective mom, and expect my children to use proper manners and to have respect. I won't allow them to go out in public without being dressed appropriately, hair styled, etc. But we are light hearted, and we play, I believe that a child should be allowed to be a child, there is a time and place for everything, so I feel comfortable that I have found an effective balance of parenting.
I volunteer at the school and I am also part of a program held at the library each week for preschoolers, and I am shocked at the way some children behave, they have no respect for themselves, other children, personal belongings of others, or for authority figures. Their parents need to be more responsible and begin teaching their children manners and respect and I view this lack of "raising" flowing over into the school, they are the children that cause problems, tend to bully, and they do not focus on their work. I fear that these are the children that will use drugs or have children too young or be in trouble. These are the 'kids' that we don't want our children associating with and it's not any fault of the child, it just comes back to the parenting. I believe that a child is a reflection of the parent.
It will be interesting to read other responses to this question, thank you for bringing this topic to education.com. I've added a link for your interest on Amy Chua below.
Interesting question, I just saw her in an interview this morning discussing her book. She seems to me to have some regrets about some of the comments that she makes in the book though, and said that 50% of the book was just her "sense of humor". I was sitting with my husband during this interview and when she said "no matter how exhausted my mom was, she always checked my homework and A- just wasn't good enough" my husband looked at me and said "you're a tiger mom".
I strongly believe in a good education and encourage my preschooler and 3rd grader to do the best they can, we learn through fun activities though, but I have had to get strict at times especially when it came to writing. I'm also a protective mom, and expect my children to use proper manners and to have respect. I won't allow them to go out in public without being dressed appropriately, hair styled, etc. But we are light hearted, and we play, I believe that a child should be allowed to be a child, there is a time and place for everything, so I feel comfortable that I have found an effective balance of parenting.
I volunteer at the school and I am also part of a program held at the library each week for preschoolers, and I am shocked at the way some children behave, they have no respect for themselves, other children, personal belongings of others, or for authority figures. Their parents need to be more responsible and begin teaching their children manners and respect and I view this lack of "raising" flowing over into the school, they are the children that cause problems, tend to bully, and they do not focus on their work. I fear that these are the children that will use drugs or have children too young or be in trouble. These are the 'kids' that we don't want our children associating with and it's not any fault of the child, it just comes back to the parenting. I believe that a child is a reflection of the parent.
It will be interesting to read other responses to this question, thank you for bringing this topic to education.com. I've added a link for your interest on Amy Chua below.
> 60 days ago
I believe that the conversation is trying to address too many issues under one theme and it all seems extreme and unreasonable.
First, there is the issue of cultural differences regarding child rearing practices. We need to fully understand that respect for parents and adults do vary among cultures. Second, views on discipline and physical punishment vary among cultures and generations. Third, achievement expectations vary among working class, middle class, intellectuals, and others. Fourth, issues of responsibility and respect are influenced by various religions. So the answer (s) are not as simple as, "Is Amy Chua's approach right or wrong or extreme or just right".
I believe that what she is doing works for her family because she is monitoring her actions and the reactions of her kids on a daily basis. Dad also plays, even thought he does not admit it, an intervening factor. However, I also tend to believe that she may have exaggerated or idealized her approach a bit more than what is actually going on. And she provides little background or reasoning for what she does.
Lastly, I woud like to suggest that today in our homes, religions, and schools, all children and young adults can benefit from more structure, discipline, and respect for adults and authority. And we all need to have higher expectations of what our youth are capable of accomplishing if they set their mind to it and receive the constant support necessary to do it.
First, there is the issue of cultural differences regarding child rearing practices. We need to fully understand that respect for parents and adults do vary among cultures. Second, views on discipline and physical punishment vary among cultures and generations. Third, achievement expectations vary among working class, middle class, intellectuals, and others. Fourth, issues of responsibility and respect are influenced by various religions. So the answer (s) are not as simple as, "Is Amy Chua's approach right or wrong or extreme or just right".
I believe that what she is doing works for her family because she is monitoring her actions and the reactions of her kids on a daily basis. Dad also plays, even thought he does not admit it, an intervening factor. However, I also tend to believe that she may have exaggerated or idealized her approach a bit more than what is actually going on. And she provides little background or reasoning for what she does.
Lastly, I woud like to suggest that today in our homes, religions, and schools, all children and young adults can benefit from more structure, discipline, and respect for adults and authority. And we all need to have higher expectations of what our youth are capable of accomplishing if they set their mind to it and receive the constant support necessary to do it.
> 60 days ago
