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somethingnew
somethingnew asks:
Q:

how can you prove that your child is being targeted at his school.

my child who is in 2nd grade now has reported to me that he is not being fed in his school,he is being placed in the tap/save room for no particular reason,he is being pulled out of his class and placed in the tap/save room for the remainder of the day,he is allowed to use the bathroom only 1 time for the entire day,i went to the school to take about my concerns to the asst. principal,but i got no results its just got worse,now the asst. principal has gotten herself involved in the situation,my son and my self has recieved threats from the principal, and i have been recieving excessive phone calls from the school claiming that my son is having serois behavior problems,now they are saying that they are having  problems with him lying, he gets punish for things that other kids do. when an incident is being reported and a child wants to get out of it,they say that it was my shild that did it and the staff believes the other child over mines.no investigation or anything,and they would punish him and i have to hear about it from my son when he comes home.my child has been an emotional rec since,cant eat,sleep and does not want to go school,he begs me with tears that he fears what they are going to do next.PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME WITH THIS.
PS. i have written letters to the principal of the school all the way up to the chancellors office,also i have made complaints to the office of investigations of the DOE, and no results thus far.
In Topics: Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 28, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

We are very sorry to hear that your son is going through this difficult time at school. It sounds like a complicated situation with many factors involved. If your son does have behavioral issues, it sounds like the school may not be equipped to handle him if they are putting him in a room by himself. As far as the allegations of the school not feeding your son, is it possible that your son could be stretching the truth a bit, or do you believe that they are actually withholding food from him as punishment? If the school is not feeding your child they are in violation and could be sued. If your son has a behavior outburst at the time he is served lunch, and happens to miss lunch, he should be offered something to eat at a later time. This is a touchy situation and you need all the facts before making allegations.

If your son knows that you distrust the school and the teachers, he will do what he can to try to make you be on "his side." When the parents are "against" the school and teachers, the child can lose respect for authority and will manipulate the parent to not hold him accountable.

Now this is not to say that the school is not responsible for what has happened. There are always two sides to every story. But if the school does believe your son has a behavioral problem, they should recommend that he is tested. It would be a good idea for you to do this anyway. A licensed clinical child psychologist can determine what course of treatment should be done, if any, and if your son would be better served in a different style classroom or school.

You have the right to drop in and visit your son's school at any time. Take a day off from work and observe your son in the classroom and at lunch. Do not tell your son in advance. Talk to his teacher about volunteering in the classroom on a regular basis. You will get a better feel yourself on the flow of his day and how he interacts with teachers and with other students. Of course it is possible that he may act differently, but at least it will give your son the notion that you are going to work with the school rather than against it.

If you would like to speak with a counselor in more detail about this, please call or e-mail our Hotline. We also have a website for parents with children of all ages who need assistance: www.parenting.org
Either way, help is available 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Take care and best wishes to you and your son!

Sincerely,

Cynthia, Crisis Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
hotline@boystown.org
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Additional Answers (4)

wyattsmomn
wyattsmomn writes:
I am having the same problem with my son at school and he is in 1st grade. I am Taking my son out of school and transfering him, we are moving, After dealing with the principal i come home in tears, my son is in tears that he doesn't want to go to school, the teacher is ignoring him this all started when I voiced concerns about my son and his reading problems. The principal actually yelled at me about volunteering! the Asst. Superintendent won't return my calls. The only thing I know to do is move him schools, districts, cities and all. Good luck
> 60 days ago

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EdieRaether
EdieRaether , Teacher writes:
You need to get to the bottom of this.  You might go to school and observe what is happening.  If it stops when you are there then you know things are happening when you are not and your child improves.
I am finishing a book  Stop Bullying Now and am a bit numbed by some of the interviews with student where school personnel are the big bullies.
If a child is in tears and fear, this is rarely manipulative behavior as most children can't produce tears at will unless they have had some great acting experience.   Can't eat or sleep?  Is it possible for you or a grandparent to go to school and observe what is going on.    I would document everything.  What your sons says and put down the date.
Tape record him.  
I want to know why you are not getting a response. Have you also reported this to the school board?  Appear at their meeting.  
Your child is at an age where this could affect his attitude toward school and learning for the rest of his life.  
Do not tolerate this.   What state are you in?   Rules vary.  For example,
in New Jersey...they are very strict and all must be reported in 24 hours.  
Keep knocking on doors.  BUT, I would personally want to SEE what is going on.    
Let me know.
Edie

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jgv73r
jgv73r writes:
The same exact thing happend to my son in kindergarden. I took his teacher for her word that he was having behavoral issues, peing himself and refusing to eat his lunches. After going to the pedatriconist and confirming he did not have ADHD went back and and spoke to principital and vice princle. Still nothing was done. Finally one of the girls in R Club kept an eye on him for the day in his class. she ended removing my son from the class for the rest of the day because when my son asked to go to the bathroom his teacher  said you can but you cant. Later she made him throw out his lunch right after receiving it in the line to remove him for his behavor. Luckily this young lady kept track of all of this throughout the day let me know exactly what happend and called me when she to0k my son out of the class room. I was still being ignored that afternoon and the next day. SOOO my son and i went down and waited about 3 hours for the superintendant of our school district. I told her my son had the legal right to his education and that this teacher was standing in his way. I had my son tell her what was happening in his own words. If you can at all see the supeintandant in person. go down sign in and wait untill they talk with you do it every day untill you get the situation resolved, and you shouldnt have to make an appointment just go and make them hear and see what going on.
> 60 days ago

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nurz911
nurz911 writes:
I am sorry this is happening to you, it's happening to my daughter (2nd grade) as well.  My daughter has been not allowed in cafeteria or recess and today they moved her desk to be in the front of the class - far away from everyone else and she broke down sobbing to us "They keep making me be all alone, I don't want to be alone anymore!"  The short version is they were responsible for her leaving the playground while not being chaperoned and a gate was left open.  She was 7, she was 3/4 of a mile away from the school and picked up by a couple in a passing vehicle who thankfully brought her back to school instead of taking her.  The school never called police, she was missing twenty minutes and they did not get the name of the people that had possession of her.  I went to the school committe heads, the police chief, etc and the school was in trouble for it - my daughter has been targeted for every wrongdoing since then.  They are making every incident into a sentinel event and now labeling her with things like "Oppositional defiant disorder, ADD and high functioning autism"  She is none of these.  Today, I went to the school to get her.  They called to say she "couldn't handle it" when they moved her desk to  a place away from all the other children "all alone".  Again, targeted...like an old school "dunce" in the corner.  They have upset her to no end.  I told them off this time, went and collected my daughter, who was sobbing, and brought her home.  I am getting my documentation together to make some sort of move.  They set her up for an eval also, I am cancelling it.  This whole thing breaks my heart.  It's simple retaliation for getting them in serious trouble with many departments.  Shame on anyone that would intentionally harm a child.  Remember these words...intentional infliction of emotional distress by outrageous conduct.  It's where I'm starting...
> 60 days ago

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