stoney1012000 asks:

I have read many tips and have seen alot of good ideas.  I know the things my daughter can do to make friends.  How do I get her to listen to them?

In Topics: Friendships and peer relationships
> 60 days ago



Feb 3, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Is your daughter complaining to you that she wishes she had some friends, then when you give her some good suggestions she shoots you down? If that's the case then you might honestly say, "Sweetheart, I'm happy to help you in any way I can, but it's not fair or respectful if you ask for my help when you really don't want it and then get angry at me for offering."

If she's not complaining about her social life, then perhaps you are making a problem when there really isn't one. In other words, maybe your daughter's lack of friends is a problem for YOU but not for her.

I understand that it can be painful to see our kids seemingly "left out" of good times with peers. And you're obviously concerned about this, but it's worth reminding yourself that your daughter is her own person. It doesn't help to project yourself onto her experience. Some people need more social stimulation than others. Also, your daughter seeming lack of friends doesn't necessarily mean she is a) lonely or unhappy b) not enjoying friendships during the school day and/or c) doomed to be "friendless" through her school years.

My suggestion is that you talk with her calmly and openly. Find out if this friendship thing is something she'd like to change. If so, you and she have a common goal. That's a great starting place! The next step would be to find out if she'd like some help. If she agrees then let her determine the kind of help she wants from you or perhaps from a counselor.
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Additional Answers (1)

Karenmom writes:

What do you mean "listen to them"?  Is she not attentive to others or do you mean to follow their advice?  Is she complaining to you about not being able to stay interested in her friends conversations?  If so, then maybe she don't have anything in common with these people and just simply find what they have to say boring.

Ultimately, your daughter can use her own judgment and preference has to whom she wants to be friends with.  She may not have the quantity of friends that you want her to have, but she may have quality relationships with those of her choosing.

You didn't mention the age of your daughter, but I feel as though there is not a problem here at all.  If she is expressing to you that she is unhappy, then we will need more details to be able to provide you with resources, but otherwise, if she is happy and content in her life, I wouldn't push issues of friends.

Best wishes!
> 60 days ago

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