Anonymous asks:

how to relax when I am around my new husband and my children?

My husband and I have being together for 2 yrs. My children from my previous marrige come every week from thursday thru saturday. the problem is that one of child is autistic and my other child is very shy. after two years I till can't relax when ever my children come, I don't want my husband to hate my children because they are different. any adivice for me?
In Topics: Blended families
> 60 days ago



Aug 13, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Blended families are difficult. I appreciate you wanting your husband to feel comfortable when your children are visiting, but your husband married you because he loves you. He also knew, before he married you that you had an autistic child and a shy child.

What will make this easier is talking to your husband and making sure you are devoting time to your marriage every day. Keep your marriage strong, and everything else will feel easier.  Tell you husband how much you appreciate his flexibility when your kids are visiting, and ask what you can do to make it easier for him.

You may be surprised- you may be worrying more about this than your husband is.  If your husband does have concerns, he will share them with you- when you ask.

Keep your marriage in the center of the relationship, and taking care of the kids will be much easier.

I wish you the very best.

Kindest Regards,
Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC NCC
Director of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
Author of the Book, Blended Family Advice

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Additional Answers (1)

JeanneBrock... writes:
I wonder if you have had a conversation with your husband about your children's special needs?  If not, or even if you have had some discussion already, it might be time to talk about how he feels about having them around, and how their presence changes the nature of your relationship with each other.  Blending children from a previous marriage is nearly always challenging in some ways.  Your children bring some special dimensions to the blending process.  If their behavior is very challenging for you to manage, then I would try to sit down with your ex-husband and make sure the rules for each household are as similar as possible.  If the behavior is still difficult, then you might want to consider talking to your pediatrician or family doctor either for their advice or for a referral to a counselor.  The bottom line is that your husband married YOU! You and he are the team that needs to work together to make the family situation work for everyone.  This will take communication and compromise, but your sensitivity to the situation is definitely a good sign!

Jeanne H. Brockmyer, Ph. D. expert clinical child psychologist
> 60 days ago

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