There are many different approaches you can take to mold and shape your children's behaviors however, the approach you take should depend on their age. When they are younger they learn by seeing and doing, therefore a behavioral approach is ideal. Rewarding for positive behaviors and giving consequences for negative ones will help them learn through action what you want as a parent.

As children begin to grow, teaching them to use their words and teaching them through your words will be more effective. Remember that kids will learn by example and genuinely want to please you, so make sure you are modeling the behaviors you want to see them repeat. For example, if you use yelling or sarcasm as a way to deal with problems, even if you don't think they always hear or see you, you are teaching them to react in the same way when they are faced with similar problems.

No matter what age they are, remember that consistency is important if you want to see long-term changes.

It is often important to evaluate when and where the behavior is occurring.  Does it occur at home, or school…with adults, friends or siblings?  Then ask yourself why it is happening.  Is the child tired, anxious, jealous or trying to get attention? Sometimes an evaluation of the cause of the negative behaviors can help a parent to set the stage for more positive behaviors in the future.

There are many internet resources available on a variety of behavioral issues. Education.com has a variety of article on issues such as hitting, biting, and bullying. Another great resource is www.parenting.org. You can search by topic and even read e-mails from other parents with similar problems. Let us know if you have any other specific questions.

Take Care,
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000