Hi PSinha,

I'm not sure that shyness is always something that needs to be overcome, but it certainly is something children and adults need to learn to work with. If shyness is a strong tendency for your daughter, she may need you to lovingly accept her, just the way she is. At the same time, you can warmly encourage her, helping to expand her view of the world so that she can see things are actually safer than she can immediately tell.

Here's one way you can help your daughter adjust to situations where she usually becomes shy. Before you go into a situation that you think may intimidate your daughter, try using our method of Special Time.

Children clearly thrive on moments when we are fully, warmly with them. Take ten or fifteen minutes before you get ready to go and use that time to shine your undivided attention onto your child. Willingly, happily do whatever it is that she enjoys doing with you at the moment. Play pillow fight. Drop lightweight balls down the stairs together. Allow some messy water play. Whatever she directs you to in your time together. Put your daughter in charge of the interaction and follow along with her, letting her be in control of the relationship for this short chunk of time. Radiate enthusiasm for whatever she offers you. This will help to bolster her sense of connection with you and will help her store up a little extra confidence for the situation that brings out the shyness.

This thoughtful reassurance may be just the boost your daughter needs to be more open to her encounters with the wider world. And there are lots more ideas in the resources included below.

We'll look forward to hearing how it goes!

Juli Idleman
Hand in Hand
www.handinhandparenting.org