How can i help my sister who gets bullied ?

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ninja-nadja... asks:

my 15 year old sister has been bullied since the middle of her elementary school career and i dont know how to handle it, neither do my parents..
She gets teased and commented on all the time, the bullies pretend to be her friends when really they just hurl abuse at her. i started crying on my school bus when i over heard one of her main bullies saying to his peers "oh yeah Kyle* was asking her 4 a bit of chuggie (chewing gum) and started poking at her fat and pulling it to make her yelp, it was hilarious. but the funniest part was that she gave him some in the end. HAHAHAHA!!!"
it made me want to vomit.
We get a public bus to school and its a double decker. now at the time i would sit upstairs while she sat down with her so-called friends that bullied her. this teacher at my school got on one day and the bullies had pinned her down and whipped her with belts. i almost fainted, she was going through all that but had never uttered a word of it. i had to hear it from a teacher.
these are only two of the scenarios she's been through, i could write more but it would fill up this whole website. she needs help and i need to know how to give her even just a bit of that.
Cheers, comment soon.

In Topics: Back to school, Bullying and teasing

> 60 days ago

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lkauffman

Nov 1, 2010

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What the Expert Says:

I am so very sorry to hear that your sister has been enduring such cruelty for so long. She is very lucky to have a sister who is so caring and compassionate and who is determined to help her through this.

I'm curious to know how your sister views the bullying. Does she recognize that this kind of behavior is unacceptable? Does she defend her "friends"? Talk with her about the characteristics of a true friend (I have included a link to a useful article that discusses the qualities of a trusted friend). Express your concern for her and let her know that the behavior that she has received is not fair, unacceptable, and she does not deserve it. Explain that you have sat on the sidelines for too long, and you are determined to help her through this. If she is agreeable, ask for a "meeting" with your parents and your sister to discuss next steps. If she is reluctant to take action, let her know that you will still talk to your parents, and you hope that she will also join the conversation.

Then, let your parents know that you want to talk with them. Share your concerns and ask for their help in stopping the tide of bullying that your sister has endured. Provide your parents with a list of incidents in the past few months and let them take it from here.

Your parents should investigate the school's anti-bullying policy. They can contact the school's front desk for information on this. If there is no school policy, they should request a meeting with the school principal, bring the list of incidents to the meeting, and request that action be taken immediately. The principal should take steps to assure that your sister is safe on the bus, in the halls, and in class. Teachers, bus drivers, and other school personnel should be on the lookout. And, there should be some sort of "conversation" that occurs with your sister's bullies. There should not be a "peer mediation" meeting, as research has shown these kinds of meetings are not effective because of the imbalance of power that occurs between the bully and the victim.

Finally, I have concerns about your sister's sense of her value and her own self-worth. It is not uncommon for victims of bullying to struggle with self-esteem, often believing that they don't "deserve" better. She needs to know that she is a person of worth and value; no one should be allowed to treat her this badly. Your parents should ask for referrals to a counselor/therapist who can work with your sister. If your family has limited means, there are often universities nearby that train therapists who work with members of the community for a reduced rate. Or, there may be a community mental health center that provides a sliding scale.

Warm regards,

Laura Kauffman, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Education.com JustAsk Expert
http://www.drlaurakauffman.com/

Resources:

http://teenadvice.about.com/od/friends/tp/qualities_of_good_friends.htm

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Additional Answers (3)

ninja-nadja... writes:

Thank-you very much for your advice :)
I will tell my parents about all the things that have happened and ask them to go to the school, i will try and talk to her and possibly ask her to talk to my parents and our headteacher, you have been very helpful and could make my sisters life sooo much happier
Many thanks again,
Nadia
x x x x x

> 60 days ago

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LittlePurpl... writes:

I know it's late but my 12 year sister was bullied to earlier this year, she was acting weird at home and faked being sick many times to skip school. when my parents found out that her best friend had been bullying her, they pulled her out of school.now she studies at home and sees a psycologist every week and in september she is going to transfer. I live in italy so i don't know how things work where you live but my advice is to tell your parents if they don't already know and transfer schools.

38 days ago

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smartkaka writes:

make here stay strong if this keeps going on tell her she needs to tell the teacher. i was bullied once i was nervos to tell the teacher but once i told the teachers it was done and that girl stopped bulling me. if she told the teacher but the girl kept doing it than teach her to be strong and ignore her and don't show that it makes you sad or she will kept doing it

35 days ago

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