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Anonymous
Anonymous asks:
Q:

how to solve the problem of a girl who has bad thoughts about her single mom?

i'm a single mom who always keep a good relationship with my ex husband for the sake of my daughter.i realised she has very bad thoughts about me,i dont know from where did she get them.she tells me about these thoughts.she thinks i have affairs with other me,i'm a liar,i can cheat or do illegal things...etc.the point is i'm so honest and never do anything bad specially infront of her.she's 8 years old but she talks about things that's way above her age.i dont know how to deal with her...!!!
In Topics: Motherhood, Divorce Issues
> 60 days ago

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Expert

ShirleyCressDudley
Aug 20, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Divorce and remarriage are difficult, but it's great that you are keeping a positive relationship with your ex, and speaking positively about him in front of your daughter. It seems, though, that your ex is not doing the same.

There's nothing you can do, but continue to be honest and positive with your daughter. If she mentions incorrect information, don't get defensive, (or even worried) but tell her the truth (if age appropriate.) You can even say- "I'm not sure where you got that information, but it's not true."

Eventually, children's "fraud sensors" kick in, and they learn what's true and what's not true. Do the best you can, on your side, and then model to your daughter, "I don't agree with everything your dad says, or how he handles things- but I know that he loves you."

Good luck. I wish you the very best.
Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC NCC FACMPE
Director of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
Author of Blended Family Advice
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