This sounds like a very difficult situation, and I imagine it must be tough to see your family struggling.

As you think about ways to teach your son to be kinder to his sister, please know that each time you discipline him (whether for aggression toward his sister or some other situation), you are "teaching" him something. It is understandable that your wife is scared for her baby and frustrated with your son's behavior, but she is effectively sending the message that physical aggression is acceptable if she strikes him. Also, it is very important that you understand that, in some countries (like the U.S.) hitting children is not acceptable and against the law. It is against the law because hitting a child is considered to be very harmful to a child. Even if hitting a child is not against the law in your country, it is important that you and wife learn better ways to teach your son to behave with his sister, so he doesn't think that physical aggression is acceptable by anyone.

Although it may be very difficult, it is important that you and your wife spend time with your son in a positive and warm situation without his sister involved. It is important for your son to understand that you and your wife still love him very much and, although a new baby is in the home, your love for him has not changed. Children do best when they feel that their parents love them totally and unconditionally. When he feels this love, he will be more settled and secure. Thus, your job is to reassure him that he is an important part of the family and well-loved. When he feels secure, he will no longer feel so threatened by his baby sister's presence.

Laura Kauffman, Ph.D.
Licensed Child Psychologist
JustAsk Expert