well i think that you should be as good to your child as you can ask him to be honset and get him to tell you what happened at school today and you can fix the problem and get the students to stop making fun of him and get him to go to the guidence concler 1 2 maby 3 times a week and maby that will help i hope it does cause i really hate to see people being made fun of and stuff bc they have special needs and is he in a special issuses class my daughter goes to that kind of a public school although she doesnt have any special issues

Well, all I can say is you sound like an outstanding parent and I know some of what you feel.  I'm not sure how much help I can offer, but I can add support.  My son is 10 and my daughter is 7 and together they sound like your son.  My daughter has ADHD and is on vyvance.  My son has terrettes, ODD, RAD and gets into the trouble.  He does not deal with his issues like your son with depression, my son gets angry - hurts others and himself.  Like your son he is bright and gets good grades.  He also plays piano and guitar!  He has not managed to write and sing his own music, but I think he will get there and he talk often of a band.  He is so gifted in so many ways.  Like you, my husband and I have tried to include our son in group activities like scouting, choir, football, but he is unable to get along with his peers.   Because of the RAD we have problems with our son stealing and lying (he was adopted at four).  We are currenlty in therapy and finding it helpful.

Like you we considered private school.  We also found the cost a challenge and we were not confident that it was truly the solution.  Unlike a public school that could offer an IEP and "had" to work with us, a private school could ask my son to leave.  We have turned to Charter Schooling.  This may not be an option for you but if it is an option at all, I recommend it.  I can say, however, that it has made a world of difference.  My son did not like the idea at first.  He felt it was another punishment.  I approached it from the other side and focused on only the rewards.  He is experiencing learning and success in school without the hardship of peer issues.  He is getting confidence from these successes.  He still needs to work on peer relationship and he does attend the charter classes on two days of the week.  Like you, I love my son and want the best for him.  Schooling him at home is not easy, but every once of effort, financially, emotionally, and time-wise seems to be paying off.

The other success we have had for our son is individual sports.  He is now in fencing - which is expensive, so perhaps not an option for you.  But the individual achievement is good for his moral.  He does well one on one.  Yet, he can still be a part of a team.  Other sports based on this concept are tennis, swimming, golf.

I would like to help you more, and I think perhaps you might have suggestions for me.  If I'm way off, I won't hear from you, but please feel free to contact me.

My 15 year old son sounds very similar to your child.  He went down the same road. He finally refused to take his medicine, started failing school, ran away from home, and started breaking into homes. I had him put into a residential treatment facility for a short time in order for me to figure out what to do.  After a long talk with my mother, I decided to allow him to move to a much smaller town and live with her so that he could be monitored 24/7. (I have to work, she is retired). He is still failing in school, but he is staying out of trouble. He has managed to make friends...they are older, since he doesn't seem to be able to make friends with kids his own age. My sister and her husband have been putting him to work clearing land and working heavy construction equipment, which he seems to love. So, things have been going ok...well except for the school thing. I drive up every weekend to see him. Hopefully, I will be able to get him through highschool with at least an occupational diploma.

I wish you luck with your child. Just hang in there!

I have a son who just turned 14, with Emotional Distubance. He also has gone through a lot of medication until we found the right one. He's on Luvox, it works great..... My son has been bullied since he was in elementary school. No matter how much you complain to the school it dosen't help. I finally had enough so I deceided to look up every law I could find on what kind of services our children should be receiving at no coast to us parents... The school is not quick to inform us Parents the regulations and Laws the protect our children.... I have had to find out the hard way...... My son has been on and off Home/hospital schooling for the last 2 yrs...  He gets really bad anxiety attacks just walking into school. His a very bright kid and his grades are good....... If your son does not have an IEP please get him one. Just last week I found an advocate to help my son and I. She has been a huge help on so many levels..... I don't trust the schools to help, to them its just another student and I am tierd of them making me feel that I have been a "bad" parent, or what my son goes through daily is exsagerated. I also find the school dosen't know or want to know what Emotional Disturbance really is or how it effects our children, they seem to turn a blind eye to all of it. To sum up what I am trying to say is thier are so many other services out their that we don't know about, including Laws. I wish you luck and please feel free to contact me if you would like to talk. I know some times talking to someone that is going through the same situation helps us....We try to stay strong for our children but it gets really hard on us as well......

I can certainly relate to what you are going through.. My son just turned 18 and has been going through all of this for years.  We have had so many diagnosis and changing IEP's.  For one thing make sure you have an IEP, an advocate can be from a mental health facility, you can google one or you can find one that is a psychologist that works with schools offline that sees kids on private level also.  Ask the school counsellor if he/she knows of anyone they can recommend if you have a good working relationship.

Changed meds can work but at the end of the day, kids get angry and this is what you have to watch 24/7 as they can figure out ways of getting acceptance and sometimes they can search out gangs and addictions.

Be and stay hands on, be on top of the IEP system and stand up for accomodations, write each teacher an email to stay on top of their work, and if this doesn't work then write your state's special education head.. Trust me if they are not complying with your IEP there is a bucket load of complaint help centers out there.. They are all mandated federally so you can even go to your local governor for assistance.

My son was on concerta, vyvance, wellbutrin and abilify.. he is off his ADD meds and on alternative meds such as omega 3,6, 9.  I whole heartedly advise you to take your son to a naturopath have his diet analyzed and he can get natural remedies and a new diet.  Follow it and trust me you will see wonders.  My son is less agitated and with my constantly being on top of his last year at school is really helping him.  Sometimes it is just a matter of "you are what you eat" as well..

Learntoaccept I do not know how I happen on this web site, But I did and your question was there. I felt I had to tell you I was you. My son has ADHD I found out when he was 5. I am a single parent who has gone through all the things you are going through now. First off I want to tell you my son turned 25 the day I read your question. He is a flight paramedic, got married this year and bought his first house. Oh yea he works 2 jobs and goes to school. Now I do not know where he will be tomorrow but I know he will be able to deal with his life as it comes. He is still taking medication for his ADHD (Strattera) because it makes it easier to control his impulsivities. He was teased, made fun of, very few friends all during school by educators and students and this went on into his college years. I have taken knives from him when he has wanted to hurt himself. I have slepted in front of his bedroom door afraid he would get up in the middle of the night and decide to do something to himself.  I have fought doctor’s educators and myself on what to do to help my son to succeed in the direction he wanted to go.  Here’s what I KNOW:

Private school is not the answer. I had my son in 2; all it did was destroy his self esteem.
Angry management is great.
Medication is only to slow the mind down to where it can reason with the outside stimulus. Not slow the body down. Over medication is so common in ADHD. Educators are very quick to state his medication is not correcting the problem. You will find out a lot of time it is the educator that does not have guidelines or control of their classrooms and they will single him out because of the ADHD.
Some teachers are great with ADHD they see the ability they have to learn and succeed.
Some teachers are just not interested in their students and just want easy out. (Tell them to kiss your royal American cause your son is awesome).Sorry I should not have said that I regress. Medication without family therapy does not make for success.
Counting to 10 works wonders.
Learning trigger signs on losing control.
Relaxation techniques.
Knowing all kids have problems and self doubts.
Knowing you know he will succeed no matter how many times he is put down.
Give yourself and him a break take a day off and just have fun with each other.
Rules are there they are not to be broken.
You will not break. (It least what he is aware of)
He has to be held accountable for his actions.
He must have short term goals and rewards.
He must know when he is successful daily.
Keep looking for the right doctors for him and you.
Family therapy works wonders.
Do not let anyone tell you where he will be 10 years down the road.

Greatest day of my life was when my son called to tell me thank you for always making him believe he could succeed. (When the outside world told him he couldn’t I got more mad than him and told him he could and would) Now if I could just get him to on to medical school.
 I hope and pray you will come to a time in your life you will laugh about all this.
I promise you this I would not change a thing about my son because I know now his ADHD is a very important part of him and has help make him into the man he is.

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I am a teacher and a mom with 2 special needs sons.  I found your question as I was doing research for a new student to my learning support classroom with ADHD and emotional issues.  I strongly encourage you to seek the help of a social service agency.  You should be able to get a list of agencies through your school system, specifically the school psychiatrist.  A social service agency will help you connect with help for your son from medical and psychiatric doctors to wrap around services both in school and at home.  They will provide someone to go with you to IEP and/or 504 Plan meetings.  I have encouraged several of my student's parents to work with the various agencies in our area.  I do not live in a big city...these services are available everywhere.  

I also agree with all the encouragement to seek therapy along with the medications.  Kids with ADHD do have it tough in school.  I am constantly fighting for my kids with ADHD and Emotional disabilities in the lunch room and at recess.  I have finally convinced my principal and the other teachers that these kids have a huge target on their backs.  Kids love to tease them to see their reaction.  Then when the blow up comes it's the special kid that gets in trouble and not the brats who pushed them into it.  

I also agree that there are a lot of teachers that would rather not be bothered.  Both regular ed and special ed, but not all of us.  My children go to school in the same district I teach in and I have become known to all the middle and high school teachers as a witch.  But I just stand up for my boys and make sure their teachers do their jobs.  The ones that do, still like me.  :)

I truly understand the place you are in right now.  But take heart, things will get better.  Look into a case manager from social services and get hooked into all the services that are available to you.  

Good luck and God Bless