How do I help my son with what I consider bulling?
I have a 15 year old son born at the very end of the year so he has always been the youngest in his class. He is presently in grade 10 and has been with the same peers from JK to present. He is a well dressed, clean cut kid. He has HATED school with a passion since the very beginning. He has always been a bit of a loner for reasons my husband or I can not figure out. He was an only child up until 3 years ago when we welcomed a sibling to the family. He is a WONDERFUL big brother. I get compliments always from adults about how respectful, helpful and what great manners he has. That's not our struggle. He has kids always ganging up on him. Chirping him, I guess the kids call it. It will start with one kid calling him a pussy or what ever else kids call kids these days then others join in and my boy tries chirping back but when its one against 3, 4 or 5 others it don't help Then comes the punches in the arm or the shoving. Yes he does give it back but oops the other kid "accidentally" hits him in the face. He comes to me with tears in his eyes wanting to strike back but doesn't want to get suspended...Yes I said suspending for sticking up for himself. He's afraid the ONE time he acts will be the time a teacher walks in or the other group gangs up on him. He WILL not let me interfere because he is PETRIFIED the kids will find out he came to "mommy" which will make it worse for him. I DON'T know what to do. I feel like I'm failing him. But I don't want to make things worse.
It is difficult as a parent to hear that your child is experiencing this type of behavior from classmates. Be sure to talk to your son about what is going on at school on a frequent basis in a calm and neutral way. Here are some general tips to helping your son in the future:
1. Understand/assess the level of bullying--how often, who is involved, etc.
2. Teach problem solving/assertiveness--how could they respond in the future?
3. Communicate openly with the intent to listen and understand, but not to "fix."
4. Help create a network of friends/support systems
5. Promote confidence and self esteem
6. Spend one-on-one time each day to provide support
7. Assess child's social skills/ability to control emotions
Although your son doesn't want you to report it to the school, maybe you can approach a teacher about it by asking for their input or observations. It may also be helpful to start documenting dates of incidents so if you feel the need to report it to the school admin staff, you have some clear examples.