talktome
asks:
Q:
My son defended himself against a bully and now he's being punished. What should I do?
My 11 yr old son has had issues at school with a bully. this child is obnoxious and out of control but his mom works for another school in another county than where the kids involved go. This boy threatened my son that he was going to cut him. I went to the principle with this information but was not taken seriously. The next mornig at school this boy was taunting my son during breakfast. My son went to put his tray up and the other boy called him a name. My son hit the boy one time and walked away, just to make a point. My son got suspended for ten days, now know that my son is an a-b student and has never been in trouble before but this is the second time that this bully has threatened a student with a knife. My son also has simple assult charges brought against him for this but the other boy suffered no punishment for his actions. I am now dealing with juvenile services as well as charges brought against me for telling my son to do this. I feel that my son was punished harshly considering this was a first time offense...ever...and now he has been cut out of basketball and school dances even though his last day of suspension is friday. My son has been punished enough for his actions but at the same time he is being thanked by all ages of school students because somebody, being my son finally made a stand against this school bully and said enough is enough. I would appreciate any input you have whether it be positive or negative.
In Topics:
Working with my child's teacher(s), Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Additional Answers (3)
Hey Rendee,<br />
<br />
I agree with Laura that your son's punishment was quite severe. Being bullied is never a good thing and standing up for ones' self is crucial. I agree with Laura that your son find alternative ways to channel his frustrations and deal with the bully. I do not believe in violence of any kind. I know I am the minority in this belief, but I always taught my children to use "diplomacy" instead of fists. I was taught to fight back, but I never did not even with words because I was too embarrassed.<br />
<br />
That being said I am going to share something with you. First, as a teacher we were always told that if nothing physical happens not much can be done. I know you are frustrated, but I see your situation as they relate to things that occurred in my classroom. It is unfortunate, but I always told my students if we don't see it we can't do much, it's one kidâ
<br />
I agree with Laura that your son's punishment was quite severe. Being bullied is never a good thing and standing up for ones' self is crucial. I agree with Laura that your son find alternative ways to channel his frustrations and deal with the bully. I do not believe in violence of any kind. I know I am the minority in this belief, but I always taught my children to use "diplomacy" instead of fists. I was taught to fight back, but I never did not even with words because I was too embarrassed.<br />
<br />
That being said I am going to share something with you. First, as a teacher we were always told that if nothing physical happens not much can be done. I know you are frustrated, but I see your situation as they relate to things that occurred in my classroom. It is unfortunate, but I always told my students if we don't see it we can't do much, it's one kidâ
> 60 days ago
I believe that the punishment he got was very unfair he was only standing up the Bully
> 60 days ago
As a martial arts expert I (humbly) am going to offer a different perspective…
The “Physical Action” is the result of something very – very wrong LONG BEFORE IT BECAME VIOLENT. There where signs; breathing patterns, facial expressions, body jesters, verbal attacks and so on. Most often a rattle snake warns you before they strike, most often bully’s do also.
These (warning signs) are sometimes ignored. For many reasons; negative media impression, violence in games, lack of training, lack of awareness, low self esteem (to trust their personal safety intuition). Perhaps?
I believe that “self-defense” is most effective if the MIND is defensive to these impressions that lead to potential crises. Strategies that are pre-planned so that are in alignment with family values, morals, and spiritual values. This protects the child's self-esteem, confidence while going through critical stages of personal discovery and development.
Although the consequences are harsh. Do not be a victim to the situation. Be honest, what have you learned? By taking responsibility you have control to change! We can not change the past or people (without time and opportunity). Show your child true personal power with love. Find out what other challenges he is facing, dig for them, (Car time usually works great). I encourage research as you are obviously doing!
Children face incredible challenges daily! They are forced to make choices. Some children are prepared (with LOVE and LOGIC) and some are not (they guess = 50% success ratio). Which would you prefer for your child prepared or guessing?
Just a thought to consider.
The “Physical Action” is the result of something very – very wrong LONG BEFORE IT BECAME VIOLENT. There where signs; breathing patterns, facial expressions, body jesters, verbal attacks and so on. Most often a rattle snake warns you before they strike, most often bully’s do also.
These (warning signs) are sometimes ignored. For many reasons; negative media impression, violence in games, lack of training, lack of awareness, low self esteem (to trust their personal safety intuition). Perhaps?
I believe that “self-defense” is most effective if the MIND is defensive to these impressions that lead to potential crises. Strategies that are pre-planned so that are in alignment with family values, morals, and spiritual values. This protects the child's self-esteem, confidence while going through critical stages of personal discovery and development.
Although the consequences are harsh. Do not be a victim to the situation. Be honest, what have you learned? By taking responsibility you have control to change! We can not change the past or people (without time and opportunity). Show your child true personal power with love. Find out what other challenges he is facing, dig for them, (Car time usually works great). I encourage research as you are obviously doing!
Children face incredible challenges daily! They are forced to make choices. Some children are prepared (with LOVE and LOGIC) and some are not (they guess = 50% success ratio). Which would you prefer for your child prepared or guessing?
Just a thought to consider.
> 60 days ago
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