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justjessica
justjessica , Parent asks:
Q:

My son is driving me INSANE!!!!

He started kindergarten on 8/20/08 and he has done nothing except disrupt the class EVERY SINGLE DAY...

How many times does one need to tell a child how to behave in public and around adults?!?!?!
We talk to him everyday about what is appropriate and what is not (i.e.: manners, how to use your words, sharing, etc...) He is an only child... He has transitional issues due to a situation that happened at a local learning center (summary: he became REALLY attached to a teacher that sudden stopped showing up to work).

I just had an anxiety attack over the Labor Day weekend, due to other things going on plus my sons behavior... We don't know what to do anymore, I need fresh ideas... Already called someone to seek child counseling...

Ideas needed please!
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Feb 17, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

Dear JustJessica-

I'm glad you followed through with taking your son to a counselor.  I hope it puts you at ease to hear the doctor say that they didn't suspect something serious was wrong with your son.  I'm really happy to hear that the doctor was willing to work with your child on their behaviors and provide additional guidance to you.  It doesn't suprise me that the doctor was unwilling to diagnose you child because it's difficult to do so at such a young age.  

Kat's response to your question was wonderful ibecause it gave you specific things to try to improve your son's behaviors in an outside of school.  It's very important to remember to directly tell your child what your expectations are and what the consequences will be if they don't follow those expectations.  It sounds like your posting was a few months ago, so how are things going now?  Do you feel more in control of things in and outside of your home?  What improvements have been made?  

It would be great to hear how things are going and if there are any more questions you may have.  Take Care!

Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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Additional Answers (8)

douautism
douautism writes:
How many times does one need to tell a child how to behave in public and around adults?!?!?!

Unfortunately with some children, more than we would like. Behavior is communication, so that is your starting point. Impulsivity is still an issue so despite knowing what is right the impulse may be stronger. Develop a plan during a calm time and consequences for inapproapriate choices. If you are having a great deal fo anxiety, you are making the right choice to seek some input. Be open to modifying your interactions as well. We are much more flexible and can sometimes handle a situation in a different way that will produce a different outcome. I am a Pr-k teacher and apply this to myself as well. Good luck!
> 60 days ago

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greengiant3456
greengiant3... writes:
You have my sympathy. Children can on the most part be very boisterious from time to time. However, I wen to this website called nogginpower2.com. It is very helpful, in terms of Disciplining your child. One packet that I would advise you to examine should you visit nogginpower2.com is called Discipline. It might give you some much needed guidelines on how to deal with your impulsive child. Furthermore, I strongly suggest you talk to the teacher and have your child enrolled in either counseling. Plus, why not provide some reward and punishments forhis behavior? I hope this helps.
> 60 days ago

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kat_eden
kat_eden , Parent writes:
Hi justjessica,

It sounds like a really frustrating situation and I'm sorry you're going through it! Starting "big kid" school can be a really overwhelming time for kids and they act out their anxiety about it in lots of different ways.  

I think the key to turning your son's situation around is developing a united front with his teacher.  I'd ask her for a meeting as soon as possible so the two of you can make sure you're on the same page about expectations, develop a reward/consequence system for school and home, and share ideas about how to help your son be successful.  At the end of the meeting (or at a separate meeting) you can invite your son in and tell him about the plan.  

I think you should start with a list of very specific behaviors you want to encourage.  So don't just say "you have to behave", give him five things to work on (maybe staying in his seat during desk time, raising his hand if he has something to say, keeping his hands to himself, following the playground rules at recess, and saying please and thank you to his teacher).   Make a chart with a row for each of the five things and a column for each school day.  Send the chart to school each morning with him and ask the teacher to put a smiley face or frowney face in each box based on his behavior that day and send it home with him in the afternoon.  Talk to him each night about the chart.  Praise him for the things he did well and talk through the things he didn't do well.  Agree on a reward/consequence system with the teacher.   Something like - if he gets less than 10 smiley faces for the week he loses something (TV, a favorite toy, etc).  If he gets more than 15 he gets a reward (a new book, a trip to his favorite restaurant for breakfast with you, etc).  Once he's really "mastered" those five behaviors, you can start a new chart with new and more challenging behaviors.  

This is a bit of work for you and for his teacher, but I think over time it could really help him improve.

Also, I agree that consulting a counselor is a great idea.  It sounds like he's got some bigger issues (like the transition issues and the other things you mentioned are happening in your life).  He may be having a hard time expressing his feelings about these things and so he's resorting to bad behavior.

Good luck and please let us know how he's doing!

Kat
Education.com Community Team
> 60 days ago

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kelli7
kelli7 writes:
I would suggest a rewards system of some kind.  I praticerly love the marbel jar.  You purchuse two large plastic jars.  You get 50-100 marbels to fill one jar.  Ad s your child obeys and has good days at school you let him add afew marbels to his empty jar. So on and so on unti his jar is full.(he can also loose a few marbels for bad behavior.  Once his jar is full, you do a pre planned activity you decided on one you started the marbel jar.  IE:  A trip to the toy store (with a pre set spending limit, getting ice cream, a special play date, a trip to the zoo, whatever works well for your family's needs.  In the begining once you have decided on his reward you make a a sighn and hang it were he can see it so your child knows what he is working towards as well.  When I nannyed this system worked well.  You may need to add or subtract the total number of marbels based on how quickly he is filling his jar and how quick you want his reward system to be.  I hope this works well for you.  Please keep me updated on his progress.
> 60 days ago

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delmie
delmie writes:
I know just want you mean. My son is 18 months, I know he's small, but he acts older.  I  dont go anywhere because he runs everywhere, screams and cries for everything he cant have.  I had to reschedule his doctors appt.,cause he was just
out of control!! I thought it was just me because i am a very nervous person.  But i noticed that he does it everywhere.  I dont know what to do.  On Labor day weekend, we went to a festival her in town.  I thought it would be nice to take him,since we never go anywhere...BIG MISTAKE!!!  I was'nt even there 30 minutes, we did'nt even make all the way around the booths before i had a nervous brake down and had to leave early.  It was so embarassing!!  I left crying!  This my 1st & only child and I'm 30.  
 
> 60 days ago

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justjessica
justjessica , Parent writes:
Well, I had to take my son to get 'evaluated' per the recommendation of the child therapist. So, I took him to a psychiatrist and she told me that it sounds like he is being a normal kid... but that there are concerns with some of his behavior but she thinks its too earl y to diagnose him w/ autism or ADHD (yes that's what i was told to take him for), the Dr. thinks it might be something else but she is willing to help, which is good... :)
He still acts up at school, sometimes he has good days, sometimes he has bad days...  
> 60 days ago

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experience life lady
Have you had your son tested, maybe your son is  AADHD,ADD
or have other mental illness. I had the same problem with my son over 18 years ago. It took me 15 years to find out what the problem was. If your child is adhd and he is going thur manic he do not understand a word that is being said to him. from the time my son was in kindergarten and went thur middle school he had been in over 15 different school because the teacher could not handle him. I had to educate myself about his sickenss.
> 60 days ago

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Relaxed
Relaxed writes:
justjessica,

There have been several really good responses: setting behavior limits with consequences; seeking professional help to diagnose or rule out more severe problems, etc.

I would add another twist.  We had very active children.  Teachers even suggested medication with Ritalin.  My wife found The Feingold Institute in researching other alternatives.  When we followed the Feingold diet recommendations the behavior problems reduced.  Our food supply is full of chemicals that cause greater reactions in young children.  When those food colorings, aspertame, artificial sweetners, excess caffiene and sugar from soft drinks, etc. are removed the behavior will change.

Good luck in your quest!
> 60 days ago

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