shannon2293
asks:
Q:
My son is labeled as bad and school is making it worse. What do I do?
My son has had behavior issues for a while in school, like arguing, getting up, refusing authority. However this year it has gotten worse and his behavior is only off the wall at school. However school is not making it better. Every day is a phone call because he's laughing or tweaked out on kids that are making fun of him.Yes he has taken it out on school property, he is not an angel. We at the recommendation of school, taken him to mental health and tried meds, not working. So since this, they have refused to give me a CSE meeting, threatened to mental hygeine arrest him for going outside the school, constantly complain that they can't put their hands on him, and last straw was my son was spit on and beat up by two students and because he left the room to get help, he was told by the principal that he had to do community service for a week with the other kids. If my son were to do that he would be in in school suspension. I don't want him to go back, they make things worse, I want to sue her, I want this to end, I went off on her and now I just want this drama to be over but I don't know what to do?
In Topics:
Working with my child's teacher(s), School and Academics, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Resources:
Additional Answers (3)
I think that for problems like this, of which I've had my fair share also with one of my sons, an alternative school would be best.
As long as a child with these problems is in the public school system he won't get the kind of attention and guidance he needs. The problem will only get worse. They don't grow out of it. They need the gentle help and support found only in alternative schools.
It is legal in many states to hire a private homeschooler for your children, also. They may not all know how to handle children with problems, but some of them are very patient and strong. Just getting your child OUT of that enviroment is likely to nearly completely eliviate the problem. Perhaps he could return to the publuc schoolin a few years when he is emotionally ready. If he continues to see himself as one who acts out then he will develop a complex, lable HIMSELF as the black sheep, and value and defend that false identity, making excuses for bad behavior when he is older.
On the other hand, if he can find alternative schooling, he will learn to identify himself as well behaved just because he will have more oppertunity to be focused and listen and less to get into trouble. This, along with the therapy, will save him, allowing him a better quality of life in the future and much happiness.
Poor guy, I feel bad for him. One of my sons was what they called a 'problem child', and you as a mother KNOW that THEY just can't SEE his good traits, you know? My son, like yours sounds to me, was very misunderstood. The more they picked on him, the more I wanted to take him under my wing. It saddened me deeply to know what he was feeling- told he was bad all the time, never told anything good about himself, you know?
He finally attended a magnet school, where he excelled AND teachers had NOTHING BUT GOOD to say about him for a change. I didn't get daily phonecalls anymore. He was very happy there. It improved his relationship with his dad and I because we could now spend more time doing other things than just scolding him most of the time for getting into trouble. That really puts a strain an a parent-child relationship. The arguments and the groundings can cause so much domestic misery for all involved.
The public school won't help him. It will only lead his behavior to get worse. You know how some people in the hospital suddenly start to get sicker, and the hospital just gives 'em more medicine, and they get sicker still? That is what the school's "medicine" is doing to your son; it's only making him "sicker". And they don't even see it, do they? It's crazy!
On the homeschooling, one thing I don't care for is the lack of social interaction with peers, but for a while this may actually be helpful for your son, at least until he gets balanced emotionally. It's no use to provide him with interaction if he's just going to use it as another oppertunity to misbehave, but once he can handle it better then he can start having peers again, a few at a time, perhaps.
Good luck to you and your son. I'm confident that the right school setting could bring out soooo many good traits in him that that public school would be utterly suprised! Take care. :)
As long as a child with these problems is in the public school system he won't get the kind of attention and guidance he needs. The problem will only get worse. They don't grow out of it. They need the gentle help and support found only in alternative schools.
It is legal in many states to hire a private homeschooler for your children, also. They may not all know how to handle children with problems, but some of them are very patient and strong. Just getting your child OUT of that enviroment is likely to nearly completely eliviate the problem. Perhaps he could return to the publuc schoolin a few years when he is emotionally ready. If he continues to see himself as one who acts out then he will develop a complex, lable HIMSELF as the black sheep, and value and defend that false identity, making excuses for bad behavior when he is older.
On the other hand, if he can find alternative schooling, he will learn to identify himself as well behaved just because he will have more oppertunity to be focused and listen and less to get into trouble. This, along with the therapy, will save him, allowing him a better quality of life in the future and much happiness.
Poor guy, I feel bad for him. One of my sons was what they called a 'problem child', and you as a mother KNOW that THEY just can't SEE his good traits, you know? My son, like yours sounds to me, was very misunderstood. The more they picked on him, the more I wanted to take him under my wing. It saddened me deeply to know what he was feeling- told he was bad all the time, never told anything good about himself, you know?
He finally attended a magnet school, where he excelled AND teachers had NOTHING BUT GOOD to say about him for a change. I didn't get daily phonecalls anymore. He was very happy there. It improved his relationship with his dad and I because we could now spend more time doing other things than just scolding him most of the time for getting into trouble. That really puts a strain an a parent-child relationship. The arguments and the groundings can cause so much domestic misery for all involved.
The public school won't help him. It will only lead his behavior to get worse. You know how some people in the hospital suddenly start to get sicker, and the hospital just gives 'em more medicine, and they get sicker still? That is what the school's "medicine" is doing to your son; it's only making him "sicker". And they don't even see it, do they? It's crazy!
On the homeschooling, one thing I don't care for is the lack of social interaction with peers, but for a while this may actually be helpful for your son, at least until he gets balanced emotionally. It's no use to provide him with interaction if he's just going to use it as another oppertunity to misbehave, but once he can handle it better then he can start having peers again, a few at a time, perhaps.
Good luck to you and your son. I'm confident that the right school setting could bring out soooo many good traits in him that that public school would be utterly suprised! Take care. :)
> 60 days ago
Thank you everyone, it is hard seeing him hurt. I have now taken him out of school and am homeschooling until the end of the year. I have requested for a second time a CSE meeting in hopes that we can fiqure out a better placement for him next year for a fresh beginning. He will have baseball for his social interactions and my friends are pitching in to help with different areas of his school like art and etc. Takes a community right? Hopefully with this and his therapy we will be able to make my little boy happy again. And we will be trying a different medicine for his impulse control. One step at a time. But school was so willing to get him out they gave me textbooks, and curriculum plans which here isn't usually allowed, so I think this is the best choice for now. Will keep you updated. Thank you again for your support to this just completely confused mom.
> 60 days ago
You need to send him to an alternative school. I am a student at Nova High School in Seattle WA and it is an alternative school and I love it so much. If I ever have a problem I have all my teachers help when ever I need it. My school makes me so happy to get up and go to school each morning. I am excited to go to school everyday and on weekends I miss school. Your son needs that too. Search in your area for alternative school or a charter school. All teenagers deserve an equal education, but they also need to love going to school too. I found that for myself, now it's your sons turn.
Resources:
> 60 days ago
