My son is getting picked on on the bus. Is this normal or should I be doing something?

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Kelly0214 asks:

My son has had two incidents on the bus of getting picked on. He says he isn't afraid of riding the bus though. Lately he has been saying he doesn't want to go to school because it is boring. At first I thought it was because he is a little ahead in learning but someone mentioned it may be that he isn't making friends. I know he has mentioned not having anyone to play with on the playground sometimes. Has anyone else gone througn anything like this? Is it normal or should I be doing something?

In Topics: Bullying and teasing

> 60 days ago

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lkauffman

Feb 1, 2008

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What the Expert Says:

Hi Kelly,

Great question. How old is your son? Has he always had difficulties making friends and getting along with others or is this a relatively new development? Of course, it is difficult to tell for sure, but at this point, it doesn't sounds like your son is in extreme distress over the friend issue.

That said, it might be worthwhile to explore ways in which you can support his efforts to make friends. For instance, depending upon his age, you might purchase a book or two for him on the topic of making friends. Depending upon the age of your son, "How to be a Friend: A Guide to Making Friends and Keeping Them (Dino Life Guides for Families)" might be a good start. You might also do a little bit of role-playing with him to allow him "practice" in the art of approaching other children on the playground to play, things he can say while playing etc. Finally, you might initiate play dates with the mothers of other children in his classroom, setting up a short and structured event (e.g., an outing for ice cream cones, a trip to the local petting zoo, etc.).

For more information on this topic, take a look at the following article:
http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_How_Parents_Social/

AND

http://www.education.com/reference/topic/TeenYears_MiddleYears_Friendship/

Good Luck!

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Additional Answers (5)

michaelbart... writes:

Hi Kelly,

I do remember those days of not having someone to play with or not feeling like anyone wanted to play with me. I kept it in and eventually found a good group to play with.

That being said I became a teacher and had to face this reality. Last year, while teaching first grade, I had a student who faced the similar situation as your son, not wanting to play outside or wanting to stay home. Once he, his mother, and I found out that he didn't have people to play on the playground, I allowed him to stay in and help me out. I also made sure he knew he was part of community, a classroom full of kids dedicated to working with one another. I never forced them to be friends, but always encouraged them to help each other out. By the end of the year he was the kid kids wanted to sit next to and play with!

I would, with your son included, approach the teacher and have a dialog as to what has been going on. Hope this helps and just know this is the beginning so there is so much time to help your son boost his esteem. Stay positive!

> 60 days ago

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Danielle writes:

When my son was put in a new class for his last year of preschool this year, he said that school was boring and he didn't want to go. It turned out it was because he didn't like the kids: translation, he was having a hard time fitting in. I felt terrible, but I kept emphasizing that he would make friends and that it just takes a bit of time. I asked one of the moms if her child wanted to come over one day after school and eventually, he made his first friend. That built on itself. Now he has several kids to play with. You might try arranging a play date to get things started. Good luck!

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Kelly0214 writes:

Thank you all for your insight. I think I will arrange a play date and see if that can help build a bond. I think he is eager to please and not a rough and tough boy and that might make it harder for him to fit in with the boys.

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chiquita14 writes:

My son is having this problem now, but with kids on the block. They all seem to get along great, and play with each other without involving my son. When they do include him, they're not nice to him....of course, all he wants to do is play with them. I'm sick to my stomach everytime he's excluded, but then it's upsetting when I see them act like they don't want him around...then why invite at all? I just can't take it. I guess this is a normal part of growing up, but it's heartbreaking to me as a parent.

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