I feel your pain. We went through this quite a bit with our son and it's tough. Have you considered positive consequences instead of just negative ones? For example, you might make a sticker chart with what you want him to do each day (brush his teeth, listen to directions, clean his room-- whatever the goals are for behavior as well as chores/activities) and then if he does all of it well, he gets a sticker for that day. Then if he collects a certain number of stickers for the week, he gets a treat. For my son, our "treats" were not toys or junk food, they were special things with us, like a trip to the movies, or an adventure day where we went to the fire station or for a train ride... You get the idea. We also experimented with giving his a night light and letting him earn reading time "after bedtime". He would cooperate a lot to get those "extra ten minutes" because we told him that that was a bonus he could earn that was for big kids (which his little sister was too young for...)