Education.com
Try
Brainzy
Try
Plus
beckyrae
beckyrae asks:
Q:

My son refuses to do his work in school. I am at a loss and fed up!

Recently within the past few months my son who is 7 has refused to do his work at school. I have been working with his Teacher but the problem persists. I have tried taking away his toys, tv, gaming systems, he has been on restriction, not allowed to play outside with his friends ect... I have also tried rewarding him i made up a chart and instructed the  teacher to place a sticker on the chart for each day that he gets his work done. Right off the bat he was coming home with stickers EVERY day heh ad a sticker I was praising and rewarding him the whole time UNTIL.... the report cards came home and he is now starting to fail some of his classes! I called his teacher immediately this had to be a mistake he had been getting stickers the past month everyday there is no way he is failing right...WRONG i got he on the phone and i must have sounded like a fool! I asked how my son could possibly be failing he was getting his stickers everyday for the the past month...her reply "what stickers" my son had been placing the stickers on the chart himself! I am at a loss and fed up! Any help would be greatly appreciated because i don't know where to go from here. My son is very smart he knows how to do the work he just wont! he sits and daydreams all day he is not being destructive or disruptive he just lets his mind wander away from him!
Member Added on Dec 16, 2009
Thank you all for the great feedback! It has come to light that he is being bullied at school. I am working with his teacher to try to get a handle on the situation. He didn't want to do his work because this boy was teasing him for being smart! There is still some resistance to do his work and in the past couple days the bulling has gotten physical. We are just riding out the last few days of school and hoping for a fresh start in the new year. If the problem with the other boy continues I will be looking into wither having the other child removed from the classroom or having my son moved to a new class. I was praying we wouldn't have to contend with this situation so early in his school career. very heartbreaking! Thanks again for all of your responses!
In Topics: School and Academics, Motivation and achievement at school, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

|

Expert

Hand in Hand
Dec 15, 2009
Subscribe to Expert

What the Expert Says:

Dear Beckyrae,

There's an article on our website about helping children with school that I'll link to and quote from for you here:

For schools to foster learning, and for parents to support their children, we grown-ups need to see that the emotional needs of children are met both at home and in the schools.

Here are some specific ways to help children feel loved at home, and understood and respected at school, so their minds are clear enough to learn.

Children need large amounts of physical affection and closeness. Closeness fuels their confidence and frees their minds of worries about whether or not they're OK. If they're unsure about whether they're OK, they can't concentrate on learning.

Children learn best through play and hands-on activities. The best teacher is experience, experience, experience! We need classrooms in which children are doing things together, experimenting, and teaching each other what they've learned. In particular, free play without competition or pre-set rules is a great builder of children's intellect, imagination, and confidence. Jumping on the beds at home, chasing around the house, and wrestling and pillow fights (the children win, of course) are the kinds of personal, physical play that lift children's spirits and create enough fun that they can manage to stay hopeful even when days at school aren't inspiring. If life feels like drudgery, learning won't take place. So free play is vital. It keeps your child's spark of hope and interest alive.

Children need the freedom to make mistakes and ask questions without fear of shame or belittlement. Mistakes and "failures" teach as effectively as successes, as long as a child continues to be respected.

Children's keen sense of justice demands that they and others be treated thoughtfully and fairly. Fairness, to children, means limits but not anger, boundaries but not belittlement, facing problems but not attacking people for having problems.

I want to add that children need to feel safe, welcome and respected at school in order for them to be able to concentrate well on the task at hand. They need to feel connected to a caring adult before they are able to cooperate with ease. I'm confident that your son is good and that there are things you can do to help him with this. I would respectfully suggest that you set aside the punishments and rewards for a while and focus on laughing together some and see how that shifts things for you both.

Wishing you two all possible success and learning!

Juli Idleman
Hand in Hand Program Director
www.handinhandparenting.org
Did you find this answer useful?
3
yes
0
no

Additional Answers (6)

caglaw
caglaw writes:
Did your son do his work in prior years?  If so, has there been any changes with your son recently or in your family, such as, a death, divorce, change in home, lifestyle, etc. that may account for the change in his behavior in school?  If so, I'd recommend having your so see a social worker or psychologist or even your pediatrician. Sometimes children are depressed (yes, even at 7) and they react by not doing work, etc.  If there have been no changes, you may need to request in writing that the School District evaluate your son for eligibility for special education services. Your son may have a learning disability, an attentional disorder or an emotional problem that is preventing him from accessing education and doing well.  Given what you said about daydreaming, your son might also be bored in the class, ask the Teacher if he has an understanding of what is being taught, how does he perform on tests, etc.? If he already knows the work, he may not choose to do the work.  Your first step should be to schedule a meeting with the teacher.   If the Teacher is not forthright, then speak with the Principal about the issues.  Remember, any notices to the District must be in writing. Good luck.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
2
yes
0
no
shackstuff7
shackstuff7 writes:
I will be interested in reading what an 'expert' has to say about this. But...maybe it is the system that is teaching your child. Maybe he finds it boring. Maybe he learns in a different way than most children. Maybe he has a hearing or sight problem. I think that the system is exactly that, a system and it cancels out human beings at the same time claiming to be for and about human beings. It all boils down to funding does it not? And who is funding the system to be delicate in the name of individuals rather than mainstream thinking? I hope you find a solution. I empathize with you.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
1
yes
0
no
shackstuff7
shackstuff7 writes:
yep. seems the problem is always with the child and not the school or the methods being used. Typical.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
1
yes
0
no
midela-elf
midela-elf writes:
easy answer just tell him to ACT UP and I bet you he  would get the point of what will happen in a lifetime for him .I am not trying to be mean i mean that it worked when i said to act up to someone. and at least your son is very smart thats the main part of school. It is not really about that he refuses to do his homework.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
1
yes
1
no
dgraab
dgraab , Parent writes:
Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about the bullying situation.

Here is a resource on Education.com you may find helpful:

http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing/

All the best to you as you work with the school to address this serious problem.

Did you find this answer useful?
1
yes
0
no
asdfasdf
asdfasdf writes:
remember he could be lieing!!!!
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
2
no
Answer this question