Hello Rosy,

Thank you for writing to education.com with your question.  As a parent you are in a tough situation.  It is hard to know exactly what happens when your children are not under your supervision and even harder to know how to discipline your child for something that could have either been on purpose or by accident.

Regardless of the initial problem - the throwing of the backpack - your son (and really no child) should be punished through physical aggression.  The fact that this 12 year old girl beat your 5 year old son is quite concerning.  

Because the bus driver might have knowledge of the incident and the additional bullying that has been taking place, it would be best to speak to him about what he knows.  Armed with correct information you could then speak to the parents of the 12 year old and ask that she discontinue any contact with your child.  With children, anytime, there is an age discrepancy of more than a year or two, it is best to adjust expectations accordingly.  

It is understandable that the older child would feel upset or frustrated by having her books ruined however, it is not acceptable for her to continue to bully or badger the younger child - your son.  

Talking with the appropriate school staff might help you to know what more you can do to stop the inappropriate behavior of the 12 year old.  Don't hesitate to speak to your son's teacher or the principal to find out what type of policy the school has regarding bullying.  

In addition, there are several written materials for children that you may want to review and then read with your son including:

"Taking the Bully by the Horns" by: Jay Carter, Kathy Noll, and Flora Cusimano is the children's version of the best selling book, "Nasty People" by Jay Carter, Kathy Noll, and Flora Cusimano.

"Stick Up for Yourself: Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power & Positive Self-Esteem" by Gershen Kaufman.

"How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies: A Book That Takes the Nuisance Out of Name Calling and Other Nonsense" by Kate Cohen-Posey.

A book written for parents, "The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School--How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle" by Barbara Coloroso might also be a good resource for you.

Hope that this information is helpful.  

You are doing the right thing by attempting to get to the bottom of the situation.  Blindly accepting mistreatment tells your son that it is okay to bully and increases the chance that he will become overly aggressive as well.

Thanks again for your question.  If you feel like it might help to talk to a parenting counselor, please don't hesitate to contact the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000.  Trained staff are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to help you sort through the situation further and to make referrals to resources in your local area.  

Take care.
 
Linda, Boys Town Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000