iimstephy88
,
Student, Parent
asks:
Q:
Why is my 2 year old son so violent?
I started working when my son was a little over 1 years old. He was such a happy baby and always so good for me, I felt terrible going to work and not being with him. While I went to work 11am-7pm my husband stayed at home with him. After a few months I started noticing a big change in my sons behavior. He started always screaming and yelling and crying, a lot of the time for no reason. He became violent as while, hitting people, hitting our dogs, throwing anything he could, slamming doors. I was just amazed in how much he had changed! He's now 2 years old and I quit working a few months ago to stay at home with him again to help him. It was worse than I thought and a lot harder than I thought. When he does something wrong I usually try putting him in time out for 2 minutes. It doesn't work and I don't want to spank him like everyone says I should because i believe that that only shows him it's okay to hit people. He's even started spitting at people! Sometimes he'll take a drink of his drink and spit it right at someone or on the floor and think its hilarious! I bought a basket of toys from the dollar store so when he did good and helped me out around the house and i thought he deserved a reward i'd give him something. But when he does something wrong and doesn't listen i take something away from him, but nothing calms him down. I took him to get his hearing checked but they say he's fine. I dont know what to do im afraid something is wrong!
Member Added on Nov 8, 2009
Also, when i took him to get his hearing checked they recommended a few hours of day care a day to improve his speech. He says a lot of words but he isn't really tryin to talk he just whines A LOT!! I start nursing school in january and I'm so scared for him to go to daycare.
In Topics:
Preparing my child for preschool, Discipline and behavior challenges, Child care
12 days ago
Answers (2)
First I will say, I am by no means a professional. I'm a mom and I've been there. The probable causes are one or more of several things.
1. Everytime there is a change in who is caring for a child, there is a change in some dynamic. All kids will routinely retest their boundaries. If the same rules that one parent enforces are not exactly enforced by the other parent then you have some behavior issues.
2. If the pediatrician is suggesting some day care for speech development, you might be working on a speech delay. This can be a cause for much acting out as the child gets frustrated that he cannot communicate his needs.
3. He's two. As he grows and realizes that there is a cause and effect to most things around him he's going to push the limits, hence the term, terrible twos....
Ok, here's what to do. Have a sit down with dad and discuss the rules and your agreed reactions. You two and anyone else you have caring for him need to be on the same page. He should expect the same reaction from you and dad and babysitter when he spits or whatever.
Don't spank him. That won't help. When he hits or spits you tell him no (in a serious, big person tone) and sit him on his bottom. If he's already sitting I would remove him from the area thus ruining his fun.
I used to have a term called "baby jail" it was funny to a degree but served a purpose. It follows much of the thought of time out and I know that rule about one minute for every year but after two minutes of time out do you think the kid has any idea why he is there? No. A huge mistake alot of parents make is expecting their child to behave like an adult. He needs a moment to himself.
He needs redirection and maybe a bit of speech therapy and some sign language might help in the interim. If you can see him having trouble expressing himself try teaching him four signs, me, eat, drink, and more. They are really easy to learn and teach and it might help.
I used to take my son's hand when he hit the cat and go hand over hand to correct the behavior. I would make him pet the cat as I told him that it was a nice kitty, then i would take his hand and make him pet his own leg so he would relate it to himself. I would use positive reinforcement as much as possible.
One last thought. If you get mad and lose your temper you're teaching him that that behavior is ok. Hope this helps.
Jean
1. Everytime there is a change in who is caring for a child, there is a change in some dynamic. All kids will routinely retest their boundaries. If the same rules that one parent enforces are not exactly enforced by the other parent then you have some behavior issues.
2. If the pediatrician is suggesting some day care for speech development, you might be working on a speech delay. This can be a cause for much acting out as the child gets frustrated that he cannot communicate his needs.
3. He's two. As he grows and realizes that there is a cause and effect to most things around him he's going to push the limits, hence the term, terrible twos....
Ok, here's what to do. Have a sit down with dad and discuss the rules and your agreed reactions. You two and anyone else you have caring for him need to be on the same page. He should expect the same reaction from you and dad and babysitter when he spits or whatever.
Don't spank him. That won't help. When he hits or spits you tell him no (in a serious, big person tone) and sit him on his bottom. If he's already sitting I would remove him from the area thus ruining his fun.
I used to have a term called "baby jail" it was funny to a degree but served a purpose. It follows much of the thought of time out and I know that rule about one minute for every year but after two minutes of time out do you think the kid has any idea why he is there? No. A huge mistake alot of parents make is expecting their child to behave like an adult. He needs a moment to himself.
He needs redirection and maybe a bit of speech therapy and some sign language might help in the interim. If you can see him having trouble expressing himself try teaching him four signs, me, eat, drink, and more. They are really easy to learn and teach and it might help.
I used to take my son's hand when he hit the cat and go hand over hand to correct the behavior. I would make him pet the cat as I told him that it was a nice kitty, then i would take his hand and make him pet his own leg so he would relate it to himself. I would use positive reinforcement as much as possible.
One last thought. If you get mad and lose your temper you're teaching him that that behavior is ok. Hope this helps.
Jean
11 days ago
Don't respond to the whining. If you give him what you know he wants when he whines then he doesn't have to talk so why would he? Say "what" and look confused. Talk to him in one word or short phrases. Example, you're holding his cup and he's reaching and whining for it. Don't give him the cup. Say "cup" and wait. If he says cup or tries to give it to him. Remember he will only have the attention span or patience for two-four tries if you're lucky.
11 days ago
