Manda-Panda asks:

How can i stop bullying without getting the school involved?

I am a 9Th grader in high school, and there are two girls(one in my grade and her older sister.) that keep harassing me after school. I don't know these girls very well, i just know one of their names. I keep hearing from other people that they wanna fight me even though i am not ready to fight ANYONE. It bothers me because no one backs me up even though I'm the victim, and i come home crying. I even took a day off of school to see if it would help but they continue to threaten me. Some of the boys that they know are encouraging them to fight me and start stuff with me by saying that I'm talking about them or i want to fight them, though i haven't done any of this. I have told my mom and grandma about this and their solution is to contact the school but I'm scared that if they do then things will just get worse. What do i do to stop this harassment, and what can my mom do to help me?
In Topics: Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago



Nov 21, 2010
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What the Expert Says:


I am sorry to hear about your situation.  No one should be bullied and fear going to school.  Girls can often be meaner and the bullying can go on longer than with boys.  Here are a few suggestions that might help you deal with this situation.

Tell a trusted teacher at school.  Ask if you can speak to him or her and explain what is happening.  Share your concerns that you don't want to make matters worse, but you don't know what else to do.  This teacher should know your schools anti-bullying policy and know the best way to handle the situation.  You really need to make the school aware of what's going on.  

Keep a journal.  Each time an incident happens, write down the facts (try to keep your emotions out of it).  Record the day, time, location, who was involved and events.  If anything should ever happen (which I hope it doesn't) you have a complete record.  The last thing you want is for it to come down to a she said, she said defense.  

Stay close to your friends.   Try not to be alone.  There is safety in numbers.  Encourage your friends to stand up with you.  They are what we call bystanders in the bullying triangle.  Believe it or not, research has proven that the bystanders can either be part of the problem by not doing anything or part of solving the problem by stepping in.  As soon as a bully is confronted by a bystander, they often back down.

Stick up for yourself.  Don't be afraid to tell those girls or the boys to leave you alone.  Say it in front of others who might join you and then walk away.  Also, now that you know what it feels like to be a victim, stick up for others who are being bullied. This is hard.  Tell them that you have no intention of fight them.  Many times bullies pick on people they see as weak.

Keep talking to your mom and grandmother.  They need to know what is going on and how you feel.  don't be afraid that if things get bad, to have them get involved.  This could mean going to the school or calling to the police. has some great resources that you might find helpful.  Here is one article about mean girls.  Even though it is written for parents, it has good tips.

Stay safe and don't hesitate to pose another question if something comes up.

Barb K

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Additional Answers (2)

momosan1 writes:
Honey, I am very sorry to hear you are going through this. When I was in 6th grade, I had a girl threaten to beat me up.  Needless to say, my mom knew something was wrong, and I broke down crying. She immediately took me to the school principal. They suspended the girl just for threatening me and told her and her parents if she ever got in any more trouble for the remainder of her years at the school, they would expel extra chances. Do you know not only did she stay on the straight path, but she also apologized to me.

Your mom and grandma are right. Rules have changed and there is zero tolerance for threats. Also how how much older is her sister. If she is at least 18, I would also involve the police, because legally she would be an adult, and that would be illegal for her to threaten you.

Also you say there are people telling them you talk about them. I would report them to the principal also.
Good luck with everything. Stay strong, walk with your head straight, and take care.
> 60 days ago

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EdieRaether , Teacher writes:
Reclaim Your Power and Embrace Life
If you have been the brunt of endless jokes, teased until you cry or had your spirits broken, there is hope and there is help. However, you must reach out and take the first step which can be difficult when you are humiliated day after day. Being bullied is being brain washed. Your own shame becomes your worst enemy. You begin to doubt yourself, your self worth and your personal rights to dignity and respect.

When you allow someone to control how you feel, you are choosing to give them power over you. Now, why would you want to do that, and why would you give your power to someone you don’t even like? You need to make a choice right at this moment that you will reclaim your power. After all, it is yours!

There is much power in simply making a decision. Unfortunately, we often are so much in a reactive mode that we forget that we have choices and options as well as resources. Once we decide and choose our path or direction, we can move forward with boldness and confidence. Just making the decision to take action provides the chutzpah necessary to stand up and speak out.
Rewriting your script is another suggestion that may help you. When we repeatedly have been told that we are fat, ugly or a loser and we buy in, unintentionally we write self-sabotaging scripts that control us and override our conscious desires and wants.

On you can find a lot of other useful information that will help you change beliefs and emotions and stand up against bullying.
Love and light...
> 60 days ago

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