struggling with perfectionist parent

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celticwoman asks:

My mom is a perfectionist and yells at me if my room isn't clean the way she likes, she hates my clothes but i didn't choose them she did. She makes fun of how i talk and says that i will never be able to do anything because i have disbilities. She doesn't like my boyfriend because he isn't neat enough and not relious enough for her. She pries into my space and starts judging me. I can't handle it when she says if you do not live by the way i want you will be put out on the street and i will not welcome you back. I do not feel like my mom or dad care enough about the hurts i feel. And i can't express how i feel without being judged

In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges

> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline

May 16, 2012

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What the Expert Says:

We are sorry you are feeling so much stress in this this relationship. Parents can be very difficult sometimes. Please try to remember that the reason your mother is this way is because she wants what is best for you. She may not always express it in the best way, but she probably is trying so hard to control you because she wants you to be set up for success. She thinks that if you do certain things and act sertain ways, it will be best for you in the long run. If she didn't care about you, she wouldn't act this way. It is incredibly frustrating, but please remain patient. You will eventually get to make your own decisions, run your own life, and be your own person.

Take time each day to provide yourself with POSITIVE feedback. When nobody else tells us what we are doing well, how we are succeeding, and what our strengths are, then it becomes our job to point those things out in ourselves. You have talents and abilities. Do your best to recognize them and treat yourself as well as you would treat a best friend.

Also it may be good to get really really busy at school and in your community with extra curricular activities that keep you out of the house and away from mom. Club sports teams, church groups, volunteering, or even getting a part time job are all ways to get out of the house and give yourself a break from your mother. We hope you can find some ways to do this.

Please take care and remember that you can call the Boys Town National Hotline 24 hours a day at the number below, free of charge. We are here to help, you are not alone!

Counselor, NZ

Boys Town National Hotline-A Resource for Parents and Teens
www.YourLifeYourVoice.org
1-800-448-3000
Friend us on FACEBOOK today &
Access the live on-line support feature on www.yourlifeyourvoice.org 8-11p CST M-Th

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