Do you have suggestions for how to deal with behavior problems triggered by the birth of our second child?

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ptspazz asks:

my son has never had a behavior problem before,but recently he has gotten out of control.I was prepared for some problems when our second child was born earlier this year, i figured that he would feel left out or even jelious because he has had me for four years to him himself.much to my surprise he handeled it well and appeared to have no problem with his brother untill recently.he wont listen anymore hes getting into everything,lieing,stealing and going behind our backs to get things we tell him he cant have.at first i thought that i wasnt spending enough time with him so i started setting time aside for him and let him know that this is his time to be with mommy,but everything i do seems to make him worse.For christmas we got him big boy toys and explained that he is not a baby and so he gets neat toys and that just made him even worse, he takes his brothers toys and says that he is a baby too,and yet he wont share his toys with his brother. ive thought about counciling but i dont want to do that unless i absolutly have to so if any one has had the same problem or knows someone that has and has some suggestions we welcome any advise. thank you

In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges, Parenting siblings

> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline

Feb 25, 2009

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What the Expert Says:

It sounds like your son is very jealous of the attention his new sibling is getting. This is very common. Consider how long it's been since your baby was born. I know it's driving you crazy, but if it's only been a few months, give your older son a little more time to adjust. Sit down and explain to him what his expectations are and what the consequences will be if he doesn't follow them. Be very consistent because he is pushing you right now and hoping you will break down and answer to his demands.

Since your son is feeling insecure, be sure to set aside time each day to spend solely with him. Even if it's just a few minutes, he needs to know that he is loved and appreciated just as much as his new sibling. Also, remember to reward him for any good behavior he shows. If you put a strong emphasis on the positive things he does, he's more likely to repeat those in the future.

If you feel as if you have tried absolutely everything, it would be a good idea to take your son to a counselor that specializes in children. It can't hurt to get a professional opinion. Also, feel free to call our parenting hotline if you want to talk to someone further about your son.

Take Care,
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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bree writes:

My son is 5 and the second child he does alot of the same things i took him to counsiling and to a behavoral helth center and nothing worked he only got worse till finaly he fell one day in the yard and got a bruise on his forhead and the school called CPS and we were investigated. the case worker told us to check in to oppositional defiant disorder, i dont understand a lot of it but what i have read so far describes my son i found a website that is for teens but it still describes my son
www.myoutofcontrolteen.com
webmd also had some articles on this disorder

hope things get better. i do understand what you are going through. i have a lot of times during the day that i just have to go into my room and take a deep breath. it souns crazy but it helps.

> 60 days ago

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