Dear Meghan,

Thanks for your question! I imagine a large number of parents are struggling with the same exact questions as you, and I hope they will benefit from seeing the responses you receive to your question.

First, please understand that it is completely normal for your daughter to be curious about body parts and differences between boys and girls. Thus, on the surface of things, your daughter's behavior is quite age appropriate. Preschoolers are becoming more aware of their peers, and as a result, they are becoming more keen to similarities and differences between them and their playmates.

This is an ideal time to begin talking with your daughter about the names for body parts and the "rules" around touching. At this age, some parents call genitalia by the proper names or they might call them "privates" or some other term "peepee." I recommend that you take a cue from your comfort level, but be aware that your daughter will need to know the proper terms soon.

Once she understands the names for her genitalia, you can help her to understand that boys and girls have different genitalia and that there are typical rules for touching. That is, no one should touch her under her clothes except for her parents and the doctor. Likewise, she shouldn't touch other children under their clothes either. You can let her know that it is completely understandable that she would be curious and if she has additional questions, there are books available to help explain differences and you would be happy to read and talk with her about it further.

If your daughter seems especially preoccupied with her, or her peer's genitalia, it might be worth talking with your pediatrician about it. Some children who consistently want to talk about genitalia or see/touch other genitalia may have been exposed to something that they can't quite process. Thus, they "act it out" with other children to try and gain mastery over it. This is, of course, rare, but it is worth keeping in mind.

I have also included a link to an article below on this exact topic.

Warm regards,

Laura Kauffman, Ph.D.
Licensed Child Psychologist
Education.com JustAsk Expert
www.drlaurakauffman.com