Lostparent
asks:
Q:
How can I get my teen to express his goals?
My son will turn 18 next month, and I feel I failed somewhere. He only wants to play on the computer, or xbox. Pays no attention to his grades, and never goes out with friends. He is introvert. He wants to be a marine biologist, but he has bad grades because he is lazy, hates my husband, and thinks he will become a biologist without working for it. I don't know how to talk to him anymore. He gets defiant. He always has a reason or excuse, most of the time blaming me or my husband. How can I motivate him to work a littler harder and show he has inspiration for something?
Member Added on Jan 31, 2011
We have put together a list of chores (that he was already doing) and times these chores had to be done by (because this is our time, not his anymore). Homework is done at 6:30 at the kitchen table and I sat with him all last week. No tv, no computer, no games. He must earn privileges back. He did good all last week, had a better attitude, and got the computer back (his choice). Still no TV, or xbox. Now if he continues he can get others back. In addition, we want him to get out of the house more. So we told him an extra reward on the weekend would be to go skiing, or the mall, etc and we would pay for it. So far so good. I will try to keep you posted. He must get all A's this semester to pass. So pray for me that I will be strong to keep it going.
In Topics:
Motivation and achievement at school, Teen issues, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Additional Answers (1)
Hi Lostparent,
Transitioning, or about to, out of high school is a difficult time -for everyone involved. It seems like there may be several challenges on your son's plate, but I'll focus on your interest in motivating him towards what goals he has expressed.
Maybe you can start with finding any aquatic zoos, nature preserves or big aquariums that might be near you, or, if you're not near a coast, even organizations focused on lakes or river systems and offer to take your son. While you're there try to get a conversation started w/ one of the staff or see if there's an interesting presentation. Even contacting environmental/biology professors at your local community college or university campus could be a great source of information for you to find places or events to go that engage your son - or potentially find people he feels are like-minded and he might talk to with some prompting.
Clean ups and volunteering events, interesting places and aquariums places can at least give him an opportunity to meet other people, and he has a chance to talk to sources outside of you and your husband about the reality (and the fun) of being a marine biologist, and in general: attaining goals and finding a passion for something you do.
I feel like at events like shoreline cleanups and other volunteering opportunities there are people who are there because they love it or have a passion for what they're doing. It's a little contagious, and maybe it will get your son to reflect and act.
Below I also included a link to an article about teens and motivation.
I hope this helps!
Transitioning, or about to, out of high school is a difficult time -for everyone involved. It seems like there may be several challenges on your son's plate, but I'll focus on your interest in motivating him towards what goals he has expressed.
Maybe you can start with finding any aquatic zoos, nature preserves or big aquariums that might be near you, or, if you're not near a coast, even organizations focused on lakes or river systems and offer to take your son. While you're there try to get a conversation started w/ one of the staff or see if there's an interesting presentation. Even contacting environmental/biology professors at your local community college or university campus could be a great source of information for you to find places or events to go that engage your son - or potentially find people he feels are like-minded and he might talk to with some prompting.
Clean ups and volunteering events, interesting places and aquariums places can at least give him an opportunity to meet other people, and he has a chance to talk to sources outside of you and your husband about the reality (and the fun) of being a marine biologist, and in general: attaining goals and finding a passion for something you do.
I feel like at events like shoreline cleanups and other volunteering opportunities there are people who are there because they love it or have a passion for what they're doing. It's a little contagious, and maybe it will get your son to reflect and act.
Below I also included a link to an article about teens and motivation.
I hope this helps!
> 60 days ago
