elephant73
asks:
Q:
I am having two trouble areas with my 11 y.o. 5th grader. Premature dating & meanness
#1 My 11 y.o. daughter wants to go on a double date with her female cousin, her cousin's 18 y.o. fiance and his little brother who is 11. I firmly believe that it is too soon and inappropriate. I believe that she should wait (first of all), and I believe that her first dates should be with an adult present. I believe that her cousin practices inappropriate actions for her age. My daughter says she's "never" going to have a boyfriend. How do I convey to her the right message?
#2 The same 11 y.o. is often disrespectful, even to her grandmother and rude to her cousins, my fiance, her own friends, and often to me. I am frustrated because she always has a way to justify her behavior... such as, "she's not my friend" or "she's rude to me too". She is outright defiant to me. I love her so much, but I want her to understand that this behavior hurts her more than me. I need to know what I can do to make things different for her. I was never, ever this disrespectful to my mother. I was afraid of my mother though, so I don't know the best way to address this. I just know what my mom did and what I am doing isn't working. Please help.
In Topics:
Friendships and peer relationships, Discipline and behavior challenges, Motherhood
#2 The same 11 y.o. is often disrespectful, even to her grandmother and rude to her cousins, my fiance, her own friends, and often to me. I am frustrated because she always has a way to justify her behavior... such as, "she's not my friend" or "she's rude to me too". She is outright defiant to me. I love her so much, but I want her to understand that this behavior hurts her more than me. I need to know what I can do to make things different for her. I was never, ever this disrespectful to my mother. I was afraid of my mother though, so I don't know the best way to address this. I just know what my mom did and what I am doing isn't working. Please help.
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Additional Answers (2)
(first of all), no one should go on a double dating with an older couple because they might make them do stuff (like sex). If she is being mean then you should stop her from dating because that might be the problem with her. Or she is fixing to start her period.
> 60 days ago
Your best option with any child is to set boundaries and stick by them. Children thrive when then know what to expect from you. My children know, when I say "no", I mean "no" and they drop the issue. It might take her a while to realize that you are not budging, but in the long run, it will make future issues easier because she will know that you will stand your ground.
As far as the disrespectful attitude, you need to put a stop to that now. If she's like that now, imagine when she's 16 and 17 with more freedom. Show her that her disrespectfulness will not be tolerated. It may seem mean but if she doesn't listen, restrict outside of school activities and privledges such as a cell phone or tv. Above all, be consistent. If a rule is broken, there has to be consequences regardless of the circumstances. Eventually, you will be glad you did.
As far as the disrespectful attitude, you need to put a stop to that now. If she's like that now, imagine when she's 16 and 17 with more freedom. Show her that her disrespectfulness will not be tolerated. It may seem mean but if she doesn't listen, restrict outside of school activities and privledges such as a cell phone or tv. Above all, be consistent. If a rule is broken, there has to be consequences regardless of the circumstances. Eventually, you will be glad you did.
> 60 days ago
