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jml12393
jml12393 asks:
Q:

I've came to the realization of my sexuality, now what ? im so confused

Hi there :) Well im 19 years oldd and male. I came to the realization im attracted to the same sex. I do find girls attractive, but i dont see me having a relationship intimately. Not to sound gross. lol . With a boy i can see this. It feels so right,ive had anxiety over this for over a year. My friends know and my mother, but How do i tell a judgemental family ? It eats me alive inside. I feel like theres another person trapped inside me waiting to come out. But it cant. I cry alot, i feel alone, i feel a weight on my chest and shoulders. it caused me aton of anxiety , from that and everything else. any advice ? You have no idea how much i appreciate this.
In Topics: Teen issues, Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago

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Expert

AnnieFox
Mar 15, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

I am so proud of you for knowing who you are and for coming out to your friends and to your mom. I'm sure that wasn't easy because people can be so judgmental (you don't need me to tell you that.). But you did it! And now, you have people who know the real you and have continued to give you the love, support and respect you deserve. That's huge!

You ask "How do I tell a judgmental family?" I get that you want to tell them, but you aren't looking forward to the negativity you are expecting from them. That's understandable. Here's the thing, there will always be people who love and accept you. And there will always be people who make their love 'conditional.' By that I mean, "If you are the way WE say you 'ought' to be, then we will love you. If not, we will give you a hard time... or we will withdraw our love." We all want to be treated with respect. And we all DESERVE to be. However, there is no guarantee that we will be treated with respect.

Only you will know when the right time is to come out to these other people in your life. I'm guessing that you will get to a point when you feel so self-confident in who you are, that it will matter LESS what other's say and think. Please stop crying. Stop pressuring yourself to tell before you are ready. It's ok to wait. And please know that you are NOT 'alone'. There are literally millions of young people who know what you are going through. I want you to reach out and connect with them. Here are some ways you can do that:
The Trevor Project : http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
Finding Support for Gay Teens http://gayteens.about.com/od/sexuality/u/Support.htm
LAMBDA's Youth OUTreach http://www.lambda.org/youth.htm

I love you. Be well. It's going to be fine.

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