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meandmy3
meandmy3 asks:
Q:

What do I do to help my son with bullies?

We've been to school on 5 different occasions to seek protection from bullies at school, however both leaders of school don't want to rock the boat because the bullies are in the "in" crowd along with the leaders sons.  Not sure where to turn at this point.
In Topics: Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Jul 7, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

I am sorry to hear that you are not receiving a more reasonable response from the  administrators at your son's school.  Recently, the problem of bullying has been a real hot button topic for schools nationwide.  As a result, many have adopted new policies and procedures to protect all students within the school and community to stay safe.  It is unfortunate to hear that your son's school is behind the times with providing a safe, peaceful setting for learning to take place.

Because you haven't had much success with getting help from the school, would you consider talking with other parents or staff to seek more support for your concerns?  I would encourage you to band together with other concerned persons from your community to raise awareness not only on behalf of your son but for all youth.  

Be sure to address the group with your concerns in a way that fosters problem solving rather than merely pointing fingers or placing blame.  Find practical ways to help your school see that bullying is a concern and brainstorm ways for all to get involved in finding solutions.  You may want to check out what other schools are doing to respond to the problem of bullying.  Some schools have adopted peer mentoring programs or implemented a mediation process that allows for students to resolve difficult problems with the guidance of an adult.  

Do not be hesitant to present your concerns to the administration of your school again.  Often times, patience and persistance pay off to get persons of authority to take notice.  If you don't feel that there seems to be a response, however, don't stop looking for help.  Take your issue to the school board or even the media to get the help you need.

I hope that this answer spurs you on to continue to find the help you need.  If you feel like it would help to talk with someone about your dilemma, please don't hesistate to contact the Boys Town National Hotline.  Trained counselors are available to talk with you about any problem that affects parents and teens.  We would be happy to help you talk through some of how you feel or just listen to your concerns.  

I would also strongly encourage you to give your son our telephone number so that he feels that he has a source of support.  By giving your child a tool to find help for himself, you will empower him and build his confidence.  

Boys Town counselors are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-800-448-3000.  Please don't hesitate to call if you would like to talk.

Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

  
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Additional Answers (5)

kat_eden
kat_eden , Parent writes:
Hello meandmy3,

I'm so sorry to hear about the frustrating situation you're in.  Many schools across the country are starting to do a better and better job of adopting and enforcing zero tolerance policies for bullying but it sounds like unfortunately your school is not there yet.  I don't think you should give up on trying to encourage the teachers and administrators.  Keep asking for meetings.  Keep advocating for your kids' right to a safe place to go to school.

But in the mean time, it may be that helping your kids manage the situation is your best chance of making a difference in the situation.  We have a number of articles on bullying here on Education.com.  Here's a link to our bullying information center.  I hope something here helps you and your kids.  http://www.education.com/reference/topic/TeenYears_MiddleYears_Bullying/

Hang in there....they're lucky to have you.  Please keep us posted on how things are going.

Kat

Education.com Community Team

 
> 60 days ago

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Loddie1
Loddie1 , Parent writes:
I tend to call these people the "elitists" or so they have some control over rules and usually the exception to rule always applies to them. However, I would continue to approach anyone I could. Even going to measures to contact your local paper if you must. Unlawful activities should not be ignored by a school or a community. Try this and have your son form an anti-bully campaign or support group. The other option would be change schools. I always recommend this before it completely ruins a child. There is no need for your child to suffer, and sometimes that means pulling him or her out and finding a peaceful alternative. Trust me, I have seen people fight so hard to a system that had failed them. I am an advocate of holistic living and homeschooling. So I always try to encourage a "lifestyle" change. It is one you will not regret. Giving your child freedom from an issue like this is priceless. And do not listen to the people who say "well he must learn to deal with it". No, no... your child must learn to make good choices when in a bad situation. Staying in a situation that could mean his esteem and maybe even his life is unacceptable. Good luck :)
> 60 days ago

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EdieRaether
EdieRaether , Teacher writes:
Talk is cheap and it doesn't solve problems!
We are putting all the responsibility for this problem on the victim and while we must act to protect the innocent, we must shift our thinking to prevention and have those who bully... be responsible for the change that will make our society a caring and compassionate culture. Change must come from the INSIGHT out. We are approaching this matter with more of what the VICTIM can do. Guess who has to change to make this work.

I am a speaker and an author on bullying. I have created a teacher training program to help prevent bullying in schools.
Bullying will not be conquered by setting bigger traps...but by changing the hearts and minds of the kids who bully.
Please see www.stopbullyingwithedie.com if you want to make a true shift in consciousness and get it right.
Love and light...
Edie

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hummingbird26
hummingbird26 writes:
Have you spoke with the superintendent and or school board members of this behavior. Worse case I would confront the bullies parents and maybe all the grown ups and children have a sat down and talk about the problem because most of the time a bully is a bully for way for everyone to look at them negative reaction is better than nothing at all. So tell your son most of all never let the bully get the best of him as long as he know he can bother him he will trust me once the bully thinks or knows that it no longer is bothering your son he will find something or someone to entertain him I hope something I have said will help you some how.
> 60 days ago

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hummingbird26
hummingbird26 writes:
Have you spoke with the superintendent and or school board members of this behavior. Worse case I would confront the bullies parents and maybe all the grown ups and children have a sat down and talk about the problem because most of the time a bully is a bully for way for everyone to look at them negative reaction is better than nothing at all. So tell your son most of all never let the bully get the best of him as long as he know he can bother him he will trust me once the bully thinks or knows that it no longer is bothering your son he will find something or someone to entertain him I hope something I have said will help you some how.
> 60 days ago

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