I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through such a loss right now. I can't imagine the emotions that you and your children are feeling. A loss of that magnitude can be very hard to deal with for all family members.

When it comes to dealing with the loss of a parent, children need so much support and love. It sounds like you care very much about their well-being, and they're lucky to have such a concerned and supportive mom.

No doubt it will be a difficult transition into single parenthood. If you lead with love and logic, you are starting in the right place. Your children may or may not realize the additional stress and daily activity that will now be placed on you, so it may be a good idea to sit down and have a family meeting about what the new expectations will be in the house. You mentioned that your husband was the lenient one and more like their friend. Be empathetic of the fact that they lost their father and friend, but at the same time convey to them that they may not like all the decisions you make, but they have to respect them. Likely, they are feeling a bit vulnerable right now, and they need reassurance and consistency. Don't try to be their best friend right now, they need structure and the least amount of change possible. I'm sure they realize that you can't take the place of their father, but they are going to be looking to you for additional guidance and love especially if their father was a large emotional influence in their life. Give them as much of that as you possibly can. You can't take away their sadness, but you can give them comfort everyday.

If things get overwhelming or if you feel as if any of your children are handling this loss with exceptional difficulty, consider talking to a counselor. Their are many counselors that work with children who have lost a parent. Some cities even have specific grief centers for kids and teens. A great website is www.tedebearhollow.com. Ted. E. Bear Hollow is an organization in Omaha, Ne., but they also have resources for other cities in the U.S. If you are looking for something local call the number 211 and ask what local agencies have resources for grieving kids.

We hope this is a helpful start. Remember you can always call our hotline if you need to speak with a live crisis counselor.

Take Care!
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000