Please help. I have a 16 year old boy who refuses to go to school or get a job. He gets angry and has been known to punch holes in walls when things like the internet are taken away as a form of punishment. I really don't know what to do with him. This is affecting the whole family including his 3 year old brother.
What a difficult situation to cope with. It sounds like this is a situation where you are going to bring in some outside assistance because of the violent outburst that he has been having. Eventually taking things away from kids as a form of punishment is no longer effective because you run out of things to take away. It may be time to search for the base of your 16 year old's behaviors and emotions. Have you ever had him in any form of counseling? Anger management may be useful for him because it will be crucial for him to find other ways to deal with his anger.
Do you know why he refuses to attend school? That would be a good place to start in addressing the problem. Once you know whether it is laziness, fear of failure, social stress, or whatever it may be, you can begin to address that issue with the help of a counselor.
Many areas have a local referral line that you can call to get in touch with local parent support groups, counseling agencies, and family preservation services. Usually the number for this referral service is simply 211, but go to www.211.org and search to see what the referral number is in your area. Also feel free to call our hotline at 1-800-448-3000. We are the Boys Town National Hotline and we help parents who are having trouble all the time. We also have a website, www.parenting.org, that you should look into.
I would recommend reading "Hold On To Your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld and to check out Aha! Parenting site. Or perhaps your son needs some counseling, rather than punishment for his overwhelming emotions..? I wish you and your family all the best.
Since this is affecting the family, I would agree that counseling and negotiation are necessary. Speak to your pediatrician and have a physical examination if not already done. Part of any adolescent exam is discussion of drugs and other substance abuse which may affect his mood. Depression is another issue. Digital media use needs to be questioned. Why is he on so much, if he is and to whom is he texting. You are the adult and you can make decisions for him that affect him such as counseling etc...Best wishes on the journey with your family.
Wayne Yankus, MD, FAAP
expert panelist: pediatrics
well i think that if he will not get a job or go to school. and he punches holes on the wall one thing that you can do is get the materials that are needed to fix the repairmen and give them to your son have him fix the hole and this might work. as for your baby if he is seen him punch the walls talk to him and get your 16 year old son together when you are talking to the baby so that he can see what hi is doing to his brother. that is what i would do. hope it works out good.
my 16 year old step son to be is exactly the same. he never attended school and was eventually home educated. last 3 years have been a nightmare with picking on his brothers, hitting out on doors and walls. we got him to see all the specialists which non could offer any advise or solutions. since i have been on the scene he has calmed down not a lot but he doesn't hit out any more or take his frustrations out on his brothers. he still doesn't do any educational work or practical learning, he just lays about. lol
only thing he does like doing more than anything is playing his x-box. i don't mind him using this as a learning curve as it keeps him out of his brothers way. i do have a time restriction on it, so i know he won't be on it all night but when he does play up or annoys his brothers i just switch it off. if he does lash out he has to deal with me and i wouldn't let him get away with it.
his mother he may of been able too, so all i can say is find his weakness ask hubby or boyfriend/girlfriend to help like i am doing for my wife to be.
this is my point of view not from a professional. it may or may not work for you but it helps me.
Well, 16 years is not the end of the life. Although it's pretty bad that your kid doesn't attend school. Education is essential and takes time. It will be tough to catch up the older you get, The best is to find something that will motivate young person. Right now it's a holiday season and small shops and cafes are in need of young employees. Here is a nice post that might give your child the right idea: