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sadafzahid
sadafzahid asks:
Q:

I am worried about my 3 yrs old son who doesn't want to speak and behave.He always likes to play video games on computer and watch cartoons.

Hi everybody,
Today I am here with a very serious issue regarding my son
1- He is 3 years old but he does not want to talk .I tried so many thing with him like I ask him to say "water" though he was thirsty and wanted to drink water but he did not say it and started shouting and crying. This is the problem I am facing almost everyday.  

2- Whenever he goes outside like market ,mall or some other place he lay down on the ground and starts crying.This thing creates a embarrassing situation for us .
Last week I took him to the school for admission interview and he did the same.He lied down on the floor and under the chairs and table .He did not answer any question asked by the teacher and kept crying.One more thing he did, he started hitting me.I felt so embarrass at that time because I am also working in the same school.
there were some other children who came for interview but non was behaving like that.because of his strange behavior the teacher said your child is not ready for school.

3- At home he loves to lay computer game he is very intelligent he can play jigsaw puzzle ,Recognize flat shapes count 1-10 .At home also if he does not watch cartoon or games he fights with his 56 years sister and beats her .Some times he beats me and his father also and feels so happy after doing so.
I am a working woman and my husband goes to office as we return from the school then he comes very late from his office he does not have time to spend with his kid but on week ends
P
In Topics: Technology and my child, Discipline and behavior challenges, Communicating with my child (The tough talks)
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Jun 10, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

We are so sorry to hear about your struggles with your son.  It sounds like there may be more going on with him then meets the eye.  Have you taken him to a child psychologist for an evaluation?  It may be nothing, but by getting him evaluated you will know for sure.  It sounds like he is certainly having trouble communicating.  The television and video games actually sound like useful tools right now if he is not behaving properly at other times.  you could also do some research on your own.  Children go through developmental stages as they grow, check out this link that is connected to the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) website.  

http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/stages.cfm

It may help you gather information about where your child should be at developmentally his age.  

Try your best to keep your family safe for the time being.  Continue to search for ways to keep your three year old calm and safe and try different things to deescalate him when his emotional state heightens.  Find a song you can sing to him or a toy that can distract him.  And if you try one thing, and it doesn't work, give something else a shot.  Parenting is all about experienting and adapting to needs moment by moment.  Also with difficult children it is always important to have additional support so you can get time to refresh and reinvigorate yourself.  Try and find friends and family who can help with this difficult situation.

Take care and please feel free to call us at the number below.  We are the Boys Town National Hotline and often take calls from parents at our hotline who are struggling.  We would be happy to help however we can!

Counselor, Dominic
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
www.parenting.org

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Additional Answers (13)

KristenLind
KristenLind writes:
It sounds like your child needs to know that you are willing to set limits.  Tantrums will only continue if you react to them.  If possible, ignore and you will find he stops soon.  Tolerating your child hitting you or anyone else is ridiculous.  You should let him know that it's not okay and stop him from doing it.  If setting these limits doesn't work after being consistent for a couple of weeks, you may need help from others such as your local school system.  If you don't stop these behaviors at this age you may find they persist and worsen which can lead to many issues and difficulty for him to maintain friends.
Resources:
> 60 days ago

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hiimmary
hiimmary , Student writes:
Wow. You're in quite a situation there... I can deliver advice, but it's up to you how you take it.
One time i watched Supernanny, and there was a kid about your sons age who acted like that. He had autism, but I don't think that could be the case here. His intelligence described in 3 tells me so. And another thing, kids (ESPECIALLY THAT AGE,) will throw fits and cry when they want something. You just can't give in. He needs to learn to interact with others in a proper manner. Ways to do that? Your son loves video games. Get some games that teach manners, logic, and other social/intellectual necessities. If he is beating you and his family, he might be thinking, "This is okay. They never do or say things about it, etc..." You need to stand up to his behavior. Face it head-on and just straight up show him, "I will not take this." Try to find other, healthy physical and mental activities to do one-on-one, as a family, and try to bring other kids, too. It will not be easy. But it MUST happen sometime. And this age is the perfect age to start. it's like teething. It's painful, but it has GOT to happen. If you want further advice, watch a couple episodes of Supernanny! I think it's on the WEtv channel, or on Oxygen network. I wish you luck with this journey, i hope you can put my advice to use, and I will keep you and your son in my prayers. :).
> 60 days ago

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bvnv
bvnv writes:
bribe him. if he likes candy than tell him" if ull act good and speak than i ll give u candy" seriously!!!!!!!!!!
> 60 days ago

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laurenparrett
laurenparrett writes:
Are you reprimanding your son for his poor behavior? I have a five year old and a three year old and I put them in time out (away from their toys, tv and each other)when they misbehave or mistreat each other. You have to make sure that you let him know that his behavior will not be tolerated. This is very important because when he does start school, you do not want him to hurt other children. My three year old did not like to talk until recently. He did a lot of pointing at things and whining but my pediatrician told me to be firm and not allow him to point and demand without speaking. If he starts to shout, put him in time out. After a while he will learn that time out (away from all the fun things he likes to do) is where he will end up when he falls out screaming or hits people. I definitely think you should put your foot down now because it will only get worse as he gets older. If it is still a problem, you may want to seek a professional or child psychologist. Good luck and stay firm.
> 60 days ago

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momosan1
momosan1 writes:
Lack of discipline and structure from mom and dad. You never mentioned what the consequences are for these actions, yet he continues to have privileges like playing video games and watching cartoons. Working is no excuse. We are a working family also. Why don't you put him in preschool. He can use some of that energy towards learning more.
> 60 days ago

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heenal
heenal writes:
don't worries about that because he is like me I am 15 years old and I shy to speak to another person so don't worry about that
ok bye
good luck
heenal
> 60 days ago

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JeanneBrockmyer
JeanneBrock... writes:
Your child seems to have delayed language development.  This is often associated with the kind of behavior you describe.  If a child can't express himself in words, then he has to use behavior.  The tantrums you describe sound like frustration.  It's very important that you talk with your pediatrician or family doctor about his language development as soon as possible, the sooner the better.  The earlier a problem with language development is addressed, the better the outcome.  With improved language skills you will likely see improvement in behavior.  
Your child also seems to have some important strengths.  His ability to play computer games suggests that he has good nonverbal abilities.  Just pay close attention to the content of his games and limit the time he spends playing alone.  Many experts would recommend half an hour a day for a child his age.

Jeanne H. Brockmyer, Ph. D. education.com expert clinical child psychologist
> 60 days ago

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rayne1
rayne1 writes:
i would be going to the doctor and getting referred to a specialist who can tell you and help you with what is going on, i do not believe that it has to do  with disciplan like was previously commented, yes kids throw tantrums to get what they want but they also yell and ask for what they want as well, i feel that there is another underlying issue here which could be something similar to aspergers.
> 60 days ago

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BradenLover
BradenLover writes:
I would sit him down. Patiently, talk to him about his actions. Or keep him in his room for about 2 hours and tell him before he goes into the there to think about how he can help himself and your family to a great childhood. I am very deeply sorry for you and your husband. i will keep you in my prayers.
> 60 days ago

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Mauimom2008
Mauimom2008 writes:
This can be tricky, he sounds like a normal 3 year old who is testing your boundaries. You are awesome by recognizing it now and not later. You are getting some wonderful advice from these other people so pick and choose what works best for you and your son. I find that if I customize how I deal with each of my children (7 months, 2 years, 4 years along with a daycare) that I get better results out of all of them. I have basic ground rules that everyone follows but I tend to deal and punish each of my kids differently. The older ones who are past the time out stage I start taking playtime away. One warning then I start taking stuff away for the day (XBOX time, Computer games etc.). If I stick to my guns and not let them play with it till the next day they tend to respond to me when I say something the first time. With the little ones I find that time out works for me (it doesn't for everyone). They get one warning and if they continue straight in time out till their time is up. If they are throwing a fit in time out I don't start the timer until their fit is done. After all is done I try and spend time loving on them and enforcing why they had to go in time out or why they got something taken away. Like I said earlier take and leave what works and what doesn't. You will be in my prayers and I hope that strength and patience come your way through this tough time :)
> 60 days ago

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Mrs.Pass
Mrs.Pass writes:
First of all, your son does NOT have autism.  Geez O Pete! Who would say that to someone...  Your son is normal.  He is three years old.  My son was probably exactly the same at that age.  My mother used to scold him by telling him that he was too old to act in such a way.  That made me feel like a rotten parent.  "How could I allow my child to act this way, right?"  

Well, I had an older friend to tell me not to worry.  She now had 2 children (the oldest one 20 years old) who were now well-behaved and respectful.  She also told me this behavior was part of the "terrible two's."  It lasts from about two years until five years old.  Lo and behold about a month after my son turned 5 something in his brain must have just "clicked". His behavior improved dramatically.  

Also, my husband used to be in the military.  When he was away on long deployments my son's behavior was ALWAYS worse.  Children need that male presence. It makes them feel secure, and men typically have a way to tell children things in a way that a mom just can't.  Like saying, "Do it now...Or else" is just different coming from a dad's deep assertive voice.  Of course, your husband's presence at home may be completely out of your control.  I hear that!

Sometimes all you can do is hang in there.  Continue to teach your son that his bad behavior is unacceptable.  The effort you put forth in that and his age will be determining factors.  I have to say from experience that he WILL learn and things WILL get better.
> 60 days ago

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synastr13
synastr13 writes:
Wow, when I read this, I thought you were writing about my son!
But here is the bad news, the characteristics you have subscribed point to autism spectrum. My son was diagnosed with superhero and adhd severe.
After the tears, frustration, and anger came acceptance.
Now the good news, it's manageable with medications,change of diet, and therapy.
My son is doing sooooo much better now.
> 60 days ago

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JRoss-md
JRoss-md writes:
It sounds like your son is lacking some social interaction.  It can become easy to entertain ourselves when we have the use of television or computer but it can be more challenging for some when it is an actual real situation.

I would suggest you simply allow more social settings for your son.  I was considered a slow talker at this age but I remember it as never having anything to say.  In other words, all of my needs were met so I didn't need to ask for water or anything else.  When I was placed in other situations, ie, away from home at school or in church with other children, I had to learn to speak up and wait my turn.  It's simply part of life.

You son is fine, I am sure he simply needs more reinforcement socially in order to grow in that area.  Don't feel alone all us parents have been there.
> 60 days ago

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