Dear Anonymous,

I imagine it must be very distressing to hear that you son is struggling to make the right choices with who he spends time with and how to handle pressure to bully other children.

You may have heard that children who bully come from all walks of life and come is all shapes or sizes. There is no real true "stereotype" of who will bully. That said, we have learned that children who bully often embody one or more of the following characteristics: were bullied themselves, want to be in control, are feeling frustrated or anxious, and are quick to blame others.

There is much that you can do to help support your son. Bullying is considered a learned behavior that can be unlearned. As soon as he learns other ways of managing his uncomfortable feelings, coping with frustration, and dealing with his troublesome peer group, he won't need to lean on bullying techniques to get what he needs from others.

It sounds like you have already done a wonderful job of establishing good communication with your son and have been working on teaching him good values and how to make choices. Let him know what your expectations for his behavior are and make it clear that you and his father will not tolerate bullying behavior. Set some clear and consistent consequences if he engages in bullying behavior again. Explain that you understand that it can be hard to make the right choices all the time, so it is your job as his parent to help guide him and teach him what is right and wrong. Sometimes, that involves consequences. Thus, if you learn that he has engaged in more bullying behavior, the consequence will be X. You might also role-play strategies for handling difficult situations that involve conflict. When he displays good compassion, manages his feelings well, and copes with conflict, positively reinforce the behavior with a big hug, encouraging words, and some special time together (take a walk to the park, get a tasty snack together, etc).

I have also included a link below to an article with more tips and advice for dealing with a child who may be a bully.

Good luck!


Warm regards,
Laura Kauffman, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist and Education.com JustAsk Expert
http://www.drlaurakauffman.com/

I don't have an answer but i have the exact same issue with my 7 year old daughter. She is a generally good child but has been getting in trouble in school in the last month due to the bad children she is choosing to hang out wit.

I wish I had an answer! My daughter seems to be gravitating towards the wrong kids. It is the second day of school and she has already been in trouble.  She is acting very out of character. I am worried.