Is something wrong with my daughter?

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worrywart asks:

My daughter's kindergarten experience started out very well. The second day she already had a bff as confirmed by the teacher and the kid's mom. However after only 3 weeks, this ex bff told my daughter that she's tired of talking to her. My daughter continued to be nice to this girl but I told her to distance herself from her since I witnessed how she bullied my daughter one time. Sometimes I catch her walking by herself during recess time and it breaks my heart that she's having a hard time connecting with other girls. I cannot really consider her a shy girl since she has a few friends outside school. When I ask her about friends in class, she seems sad that there is nobody she can consider her friend. She had friends and companion during recess but it usually didnt last. She's always happy though whenever she is at home. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill situation? Willl my child be able to have lasting friendship later on?
We're indians and sometimes I feel my daughter is being discriminated by other kids.

In Topics: Friendships and peer relationships, Children and stress

> 60 days ago

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AnnieFox

Nov 12, 2010

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What the Expert Says:

Please do not start assuming there is anything "wrong" with your 5 year old. In kindergarten, kids are just learning how to start a friendship. Maintaining a friendship takes years of skill-building. If your daughter hasn't yet found a friend in her class (and the school year is still young so it may very well still happen!) then I suggest you do one or more of the following:
1. talk with other moms in the class and try to set up a play-date.
2. talk with the teacher about your concerns and ask her for help in pairing your daughter up with another girl who would be a good "match" for her in terms of interests and temperament.
3. explore some out of school activities (like clubs, etc. through the recreation department or Girl Scouts) so that your daughter can make new friends from outside of her kindergarten class.
4. catch your daughter in the act of being supportive, fun, friendly anytime anywhere. These are the traits one needs to be a good friend. Let her know that you enjoy her company and that she has everything it takes to be a good friend.
5. let her know that she always deserves to be treated with respect.
6. stop worry. Your daughter sounds like a wonderful little girl.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,
Annie

Resources:

http://www.anniefox.com/parents/parents_5-06.html

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Additional Answers (4)

Karenmom writes:

No, there is NOTHING WRONG with your daughter. Don't let her think that it is, don't push friendships upon her, she will make friends. When children are young, friends will come & go, next year she'll be in a different grade and likely with different classmates. What is important is that she doesn't let this control her thoughts about school. Education is why she's there, she can march to the beat of her on drum. Keep her interested in her books, studies and achieving good grades, keep her focused on what is important. I think it's great that she has friends outside of school and a loving family! Please, don't worry about your child's social life and keep her self-esteem high.

I've included some links that you may find helpful!

Best wishes!

Resources:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/self_esteem.html

http://hubpages.com/hub/Teaching-Our-Girls-Well

http://www.pbs.org/wholechild/parents/glad.html

http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2008/04/building-self-confidence-in-children-with-self-esteem-activities.html

> 60 days ago

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ZULEYMA writes:

I agree with both answers above .. just keep your daughter , happy .. she will make friend along the way.. and yes some will have some disagreements but that part of learning...

> 60 days ago

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Janathenianna writes:

Whatever you do I would ensure that you do not alert her to your fears. Keep things positive, make play dates, have opportunity for social interactions. Do not make her feel like you think there is something wrong. At this age there is bound to be a lot of "social drama" as she figures out how to make her way in the world. Let her figure it out while you give her your unconditional love, support, and a listening ear.

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Ssolomon79 writes:

I also have a five year old daughter and friendships are hard to learn and hard to teach. My daughter is very bossy and demanding and is quick to anger, it is hard for her to share and take turns. We talk about what happens with her friends and why a lot of kids don't want to play with her.
If possible try to arrange a play date with her at your home so you can witness her behavior and you can help her with her friendship skills. You can find her peers in your neighborhood and at the park.
I really hope your daughter is not experiencing discrimination and you should talk to your daughter's teacher and/or principal if that is a possibility. There are many books, like Whoever You Are, that try to teach kids (and some adults) how even if we look different on the outside we are all the same inside.
If your daughter excels at something like dance or art try to find activities around skills that she has self confidence in, she may just find a friend in one of those classes.
As a former shy child I was slow to make friends but always keep them.
Good luck to you and your family. Just keep loving your daughter and your daughter will have friends before you know it.
Sarah

> 60 days ago

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