I have an x-wife who is constantly calling or texting complaining about our 8 year old autistic son. This is putting stress on the relationship with my new wife. We have been dealing with her outbursts for the last two years and it is really doing a number on our relationship. She also will not let my new wife attend conferences , or meetings involving my sons behavior at school,even went as far as to tell his teacher that she wasn't allowed to attend? As far as I can tell my new wife has every right to attend meeting,school functions, and conferences. She cooks for him,cleans up after him, and helps him with his schoolwork. what can we do?
You may wish to ask the school team to hold TWO conferences with you and your wife and then again with your ex-wife. This is not uncommon in some school districts.
As for your ex- wife calling , etc. you may wish to talk to a mediator or a family counselor to help everyone involved reach a better understanding of the situation and also set up some guidelines for helping your son. You may wish to ask if there is a counselor in the area that helps families with a child with autism. A local autism support group may have references.
Thera also are nationally recognized great support groups for parents with children with autism such as:
I agree with the expert answer, you should request two meetings- one with the mother of the child and one with yourself & current wife (stepmother). As stepmother she shares the responsibility with you and should be allowed to be involved in your child's education. Raising a child, watching them grow and being involved with school activities is one of the most rewarding things you'll do in life and I'm sure that you would like the support and companionship of your current wife at these events, such as PTA meetings, school plays, field trips, volunteering experiences, etc. Your ex-wife needs to respect that and not cause any conflict around your child or the school. Negative behavior is not going to help your child to become more successful, in fact, it could be traumatic for your child.
As for your personal life, it seems that feelings and emotions are still present, understandably so. Just as you want your ex-wife to respect your current wife and you, your present wife should also respect your relationship with your ex-wife (mother of your child) and not cause more stress in your or your child's life.
I can see that this must be a difficult situation and I feel terrible that you must endure this behavior from the two adults that you love most. I hope that this works out for you and it would really be in the best interest of your child if the two adults could be reasonable and just respect each other. Hopefully, a heart-to-heart talk with both could resolve this, if not, seek professional counseling to see what would make this a functional relationship between all of you.