My 3 1/2 yr old wont listen to me, but more often she wont listen to my boyfriend. Everytime she doesnt get her way she hits, kicks, headbutts, pushes chairs. She'llstomp off in the courner to pout. If anyone has any ideas of what i can do. Please help i've tried everything i can think of.
Understanding why 3 1/2 year old will not listen to their parents is difficult. There are many factors to consider. Her development stage does include mood swings at times with violent outbursts. Working with your daughter and teaching her how to deal with her frustrations better, can help. Does she earn a consequence for her acting out? Does she not listen to you or your boyfriend when you give her instructions? Or when you and your boyfriend give her, "no" answers? Are you expectations of her age appropriate? You can teach her to accept "no" or any decision you give her. This will take time and consistency. You can make this a game for her as she will like it. Right now she is seeking the negative attention from you, and any attention is what she is looking for. Try and think of some positive ways that she can earn your attention. Can you sit and read a book to her? Or do some coloring? Sometimes just re-direction can help.
If you need someone to talk to, you can call the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000. We have counselors available 24/7 and we talk with kids and parents about various issues. Continue to reach out as parenting is a tough job!
As a parent of three young kids, I've been in your position many times and can relate to your frustration. In my experience, children really start to establish their own sense of self and independence around this time. While they can still suffer from bouts of "terrible 2" tantrums, pushing back against ones parents is also an exercise in testing boundaries or indicative of frustration that they don't know quite how to express. For my oldest, we found that she would be most difficult when she felt like she wasn't getting enough attention or her siblings were getting better treatment. We made it a practice to devote special time to her regularly and to continually reassure her that while we weren't always able to give her as much attention as she was used to that we still loved her very much. While I can't speak to your situation directly, she may also be finding it difficult to share her mother with someone else (your boyfriend) and have a hard time accepting him as an authority figure for the same reason. There's no play book for this one, you just need to be patient, encourage your daughter to communicate her feelings, and make sure she feels like she is getting enough attention. Good luck, I hope you find a solution that works for all of you.