Your son is very lucky to have such a caring and thoughtful parent. And good for you for reaching out for ideas in this challenging situation.

As you've clearly noticed, children thrive on connection with their parents. In fact, most young children would like nothing better than to play and relax with you twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Unfortunately, the rest of life gets in the way!

A child's need for a sense of connection is strong and constant through childhood. It is this sense of safety and connection that allows children to learn at a great rate, to experiment and play so fully, to enjoy themselves and others without reservation, and to trust in the goodness of the people they know.

A child's sense of connection and safety is easily broken. With infants and young children, a parent turning away to wash his hands or do the dishes is sometimes enough to break a child's sense that all is well. Because of this fragility, sooner or later, every child experiences some sad feelings about not getting the focused attention they crave.

When a child feels unable to play on his own or to separate by spending time in his own space, this small hint of separation may be kicking up stored feelings. Putting a child to bed, going to another room, talking on the phone, or being rushed and overworked can open the floodgates to anxiety or grief that comes from earlier, more difficult separations.

The first thing you can do to help your son gain confidence and venture out on his own happily, is to do something we call "Special Time." I know you are setting aside time for each of you to play with him, and I think that's wonderful, but as an experiment, try it with these rules:

* Announce ahead of time when Special Time will be so that your son has a chance to anticipate the time together.

* Set a timer so that Special Time has a clear, obvious beginning and ending.

* Once Special Time begins, turn on all your warmth and attention and follow your son's lead in play. He's in charge. He gets to decide what to do and you are ready and willing to do it. Be as loving, affectionate and playful as possible. Give your son the more powerful position. He gets to win, he gets to lead, he gets to laugh.

* Prevent any interruptions. Let the phone go to voicemail and the neighbor at the door wait for the timer to ring. Make this time with your child the top priority of the moment. He will learn to count on your attention during this time and will relax into the play with you in a new way.

* When Special Time is over, let your son know how much you enjoyed playing with him and when he can have Special Time again.

This may bring up feelings that underly his restlessness when it's time for him to play on his own. If so, that's wonderful! Children need to fully feel about a separation that is about to happen, or has already happened. While they cry, crumple, rant or tantrum they need the love and caring of someone who offers them warmth and safety. Children whose feelings are listened to become more confident, feel closer to their parents, and feel closer to the people who listened while they cried. They also feel more ready to relax and enjoy time to themselves.

There are several good resources on our website and our blog that can help you explore these ideas further.

Thanks for asking,

Julianne Idleman
Hand in Hand Program Director
www.handinhandparenting.org

Your child is at an age where he is undergoing a lot of maturational changes.  Once he becomes involved in school and school friends you will see this need for constant attention reduce (hopefully).  Right now try and set up activities that will be of high interest to him and that he can proceed on his own.  I highly recommend easy hands on activities such as building blocks with cars or trains.  Also, as silly as this sounds a big box ( like one the size of computer paper reems), crayons, child-safe glue sticks and stickers can provide much entertainment.  Kids love simplistic items that can use their imagination. Try and place these fun activities where he can see you, such as a play room or kitchen.   Good luck.