I hope I can help with your question. My idea is that if you want your son to cooperate and listen, the best way to help him do that is to cooperate with and listen to him. Try using our method of Special Time. It can work wonders for your relationship in tiny chunks of time. Even five minutes can make a big difference.
Children clearly thrive on moments when we are just with them. To do Special Time with your son, take five, ten or fifteen minutes--whatever will work well for you at that moment--and shine your undivided attention onto your child. No interruptions, no phones, no texts, no TV or radio, just you and him and the world can wait until the timer goes off. During that small but protected chunk of time, do whatever it is that he enjoys doing with you at the moment that he wants to do. He's in charge and you are going to happily cooperate with him and listen to what he says. Show him the behavior you'd like to see the rest of the time. Be an example while you shower him with your warmth and affection.
Really get into whatever he wants to do. Play pillow fight. Drop lightweight balls down the stairs together. Enjoy some silly water play. Put your child in charge of the interaction and follow him, letting him be in control of the relationship for that period of time. Radiate enthusiasm for his ideas and desires. He wins all the races, gets to be the best and strongest at all the games, is your hero if saving is required. This will help to bolster his connection to you and help him store up a little extra confidence for the challenge of doing what other people would like him to do during his regular day.
Make this a part of your everyday routine and you'll see his ability and willingness to cooperate and listen grow, and you'll have a lot of fun together along the way.
Hand in Hand Program Director