Nine year old is stealing. What can we do?

Show me another question in this topic

Anonymous asks:

We think she's acting out because of "leaving" issues. Her granddad passed away 3 years ago, I left the state then too (I'm her grandmother). Her dad travels a lot, he's a truck driver. Her sister leaves each summer to visit family in NJ, and her mother leaves each day for work. She cried out, I'm alone.

While this is the situation now, she's had the taking habit for a while. She told me that her little sister gets most of her mother's attention so she steals to get attention. We've discussed this at length and I've done my best to explain things. I've even asked her to promise me that she won't steal. But, deep down, I'm feeling that that promise will be broken.

Her parents have tried many things: chastisement, punishment, spankings, scolding, encouragement, talking about it, writing about it. We just don't know what else to do.

In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges

> 60 days ago

Report Abuse

Answer

Expert

Hand in Hand

Aug 10, 2010

Subscribe to Expert

What the Expert Says:

Dear Caring Grandmother,

Your granddaughter is very lucky to have you looking out for her. And I think we can offer you some ideas that will help. We recently recorded a teleseminar for parents, grandparents and caregivers called "Lying, Cheating and Stealing: When Good Kids Behave Badly" and you can listen to it using the link below.

Another thing that you, and other caring adults in your granddaughter's life, can do to ease her problems around separation and to help her have a better relationship with her sister is to offer her "Special Time" with just the two of you. During Special Time the adult pours on attention, approval, and closeness. You allow your granddaughter to choose what play she wants to do with you. You can start Special Time by saying expectantly, “OK, we have ten minutes, and I'll play with you any way you want to!” with a lively tone. Then, keep your attention focused on your granddaughter. Let the phone ring, and postpone your need to get a cup of tea. It's surprisingly hard to do—we almost always try to teach, try to direct, or try to get little jobs done while we're playing with children! What Special Time does is to help your granddaughter, and you, too, notice that you are paying loving attention and letting her make the decisions for little while.

Having some time like this in her week with a caring adult, with no competition from little sister, will make all the rest of the time, when she doesn't get to make the decisions and has to share the attention, easier and more relaxed. I've also attached an article you can read about helping siblings to have good relationships. It has some suggestions of things you and her parents can do to help them care for one another more easily.

Having a caring grandparent can make a wonderful difference in a child's life. I am aware everyday of what a difference my grandmother made to me. I am very glad your granddaughter has you to be thinking about her and what she needs this way.

Thanks for sharing your question with us,

Julianne Idleman
Hand in Hand Parenting
www.handinhandparenting.org

Resources:

http://www.handinhandparenting.org/uploads/media/LieCheatSteal.mp3

http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/9/64/Supporting-Sibling-Friendships

Did you find this answer useful?

yes