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sfallen07
sfallen07 asks:
Q:

Five year old step daughter lies about everything, doesn't listen, manipulates to get her way. Help!

I have a five year old step daughter who spends half her time here in my house and half her time with her mom. She has (over the past year) began to lie about everything, if you ask her a question about anything... 8 times out of 10 her response is a lie. From did you eat dinner at mommies, to why did you do that? She will swear up and down she didn't do something and she will tell you she didn't eat or get a bath when she did. I am absolutley at my witts end. I have a daughter of my own... same age... never had a problem like this. My step daughter will also put toys in her mouth... we have taken all little toys away... she gets into everything you have to watch her very carefully... if she has done something wrong she hugs you and tells you she loves you, but isn't listening when you explain why she can't do something. She will turn on the "charm" to try to get out of a punishment. Some days her chores are not done and when you tell her she can't watch tv or something else she will say you hurt my feelings and begin to cry uncontrollably... I believe she is using her emotions to manipulate people. Her mom says there's nothing we can do to correct this, but I don't believe that. Please help... my daughter is starting to pick up this behavior and I'm worried.
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges, Blended families
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Apr 18, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

We're sorry to hear about the troubles you're experiencing with your step-daughter.  There's two things you might want to try:

Number one, talk to her pediatrician.  Explain her behaviors to the doctor just in case they end up being symptoms of some kind of disorder.

Number two, try using some intense and consistent corrective teaching to crack down on her lying.  Here's the steps to corrective teaching:

- Describe the negative behavior (lying) very briefly.

- Tell her what behavior you'd rather see from her (telling the truth.)  You can also give her a reason for why she needs to behave appropriately (why she needs to tell the truth.)

- Have her practice that behavior with you.  Praise her for practicing.

- Give her a negative consequence for the misbehavior.

This sounds like a lot of work, but it actually happens pretty quick.  So if your step-daughter tells you she already took a bath at her mom's house, but you find out she didn't, this is how you'd use the corrective teaching:

- "You lied to us about taking a bath."

- "In the future, if you didn't take a bath at your mom's house, we want you to tell us the truth about that.  It's important that you tell the truth; otherwise no one will believe anything you say."

- "So what would you say in the future when I ask if you've taken bath before and you haven't?"  Stepdaughter will say that she hasn't taken a bath yet.  "Good job!  Perfect!"

- "Now, because you lied, you're going to lose twenty minutes of TV time tonight."

If you use corrective teaching consistently but your step-daughter makes no improvement, you'll definitely want to talk to a doctor about her behavior.

Good luck!

MKM, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
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Additional Answers (4)

me10000
me10000 writes:
IF she is out of control you can say no tv no phone no anything and if she cries tell her nobody is going to like her that much say that nicily if she cries get her a book and tell her to read it the book has to be about a little girl and doesnt get anything that will show her that she has to be thankful of wat she got and stop because some people dont have anything tell her that too
> 60 days ago

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kazandra
kazandra writes:
you  can  help your duagther  that  hey this beahivor is not okey   and teach her some lesssons and i  recomend you to take her to the doctor secologo and he can help and take  your step duagther to
> 60 days ago

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kazandra
kazandra writes:
you  can  help your duagther  that  hey this beahivor is not okey   and teach her some lesssons and i  recomend you to take her to the doctor secologo and he can help and take  your step duagther to
> 60 days ago

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no
kazandra
kazandra writes:
you  can  help your duagther  that  hey this beahivor is not okey   and teach her some lesssons and i  recomend you to take her to the doctor secologo and he can help and take  your step duagther to
> 60 days ago

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