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brandybagnasco
brandybagna... asks:
Q:

my two year old throws fit every time you tell her no

my two year old trows fit when its just her and i shes fine when her dads around she actes like im killing her she screams yells trows food and trows fits like you can not believe my husbands yells at me all the time telling me im in the wrong he believes she shouldnt have bounderies or be told no she she should get whatb she wants when nshe want it the world belongs to her i am getting quite sick of her behavior she throwing
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Feb 29, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

We're really glad you took the time to reach out for some help with your parenting issue. It sounds like your daughter's behavior, as well as the lack of cohesion between you and your husband's parenting style, is really causing you a lot of stress and frustration at the moment. It really is understandable that you feel so confused right now, so its great that you are reaching out for some help and guidance.

When a lack of cohesion exists between the parenting styles of two parents, it can be confusing for the child. Children need boundaries and expectations for appropriate behavior, this helps them learn socially acceptable behaviors, proper boundaries, and how to accept 'No' for an answer. Without boundaries a child will not learn how to control their behaviors or emotions, and will think that it is appropriate to behave however they want. Clearly throwing tantrums and screaming are not healthy behaviors. Taking steps now to correct these behaviors really is a great thing for you and your husband to work on together.

First, speak with your husband. Set expectations with each other for which behaviors you will and will not accept. The two of you need to be unified with this purpose, otherwise it will be confusing for your daughter. If she can get away with something when dad is around but can't get away with it when mom is around that is confusing. Children need to learn which behaviors are appropriate and it is the job of both parents to teach those.

Once you have established these expectations between you and your husband it is time to work on them as a team. When those behaviors occur they should be received with a consequence, an explanation of why the behavior was inappropriate, a description of healthier behaviors, practice of the healthier behaviors, praise for the healthy practice, and then allowing your daughter to go about her day with the consequence in place.

Let's look at an example. Let's say your daughter refuses to take 'no' for an answer. Regardless of which parent is around when this happens, you should follow a procedure for handling the misbehavior that looks something like this:

1) Stop what you are doing and if your daughter your full attention.
2) Identify what behavior was inappropriate (not accepting no)
3) Give her the consequence ("Because you didn't accept no for an answer, you need to sit in time-out for one minute")
4) Identify more appropriate behavior ("You should have looked at me and accepted no for an answer")
5) Practice accepting no for an answer.
7) Praise the practice.
8) Set daughter in time-out
9) Allow her to go about her day.

Hope this helps!

Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
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Additional Answers (1)

anthony.c
anthony.c writes:
grab her hand and tell her no until she gets tired of saying no or put her in a place where she can be alone.
> 60 days ago

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