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bj33
bj33 asks:
Q:

My two yr old step son has rules at our home but his mom lests him control their home help

First thing i love this lil guy with all my heart hes two yrs old and he hits ,pinches and kicks ,flicks our dogs we tried time out we tried not letting him pay any attention to our dogs for a day but nothing works and i blame his mom and grandpa cause they give him control over their house. His mom puts a plate of food in her refridg. So he can get into it as he plz i dont allow that for i have other kids whos had meds that had to be put in there. Well when we feed him he will eat a couple bite ir none at all, hes alway throwing a fit for chocolate milk or pop i dont even let my 14 yr old have pop everyday. When we go by a fastfood place he repeatley yells eat eat and accasionly we stop but we can afford to eat out all the time and sorry i make my kids eat more health. He always throws toys and anything he can find i just dont know what else to do time out and taking toys away doesnt have no effect hes going on 3 .
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges, Blended families
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Jul 1, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Consistency is key for kids at this age.  If they are getting mixed messages from adult abotu what is and isn't acceptable, of course they are going to be confused.  It is challenging sometimes to get everybody on the same page, but it will make everything easier on the child.  And if you cannot get everybody to agree on how the child will behave, then make it clear that when the child is in your environment they know what is expected, the rules can be different at the Grandparents house and their house and at school and as long as the child knows what is to be expected, they can adapt to each environment.  So do you best to control and set up the environment that you have the child in and tell them this is how we do it here and then explain why.  Also lay out the consequences for misbehavior very clearly and follow through with any plans you make with the child.  Also do your best to catch them being good.  It is more crucial that they know what they are doing right than what they are doing wrong.  Focus on positives as much as you can and try to identify strengths and build on those.  

Good luck and if you ever need to talk, please feel free to call our hotline, we are available 24 hours a day, free of charge and we talkto parents all the time!

Take care!
Counselor, Dominic
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
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Additional Answers (4)

MrDee
MrDee writes:
Sounds like you are having a really hard time. It seems you are constantly at war with the little guy. It must be exhausting. Where is the fun in all of this? Isn't being a parent supposed to be nurturing, rewarding and fulfilling?
I understand your pain, I had it too (alas not quite as bad) but I realized that nothing would change if I didn't change the way I was treating my child. So that is when I discovered "the way of the peaceful parent" group on facebook. They made a real difference to how I feel about my parenting  now and as a result I am having a great time with my 5 year old. Any challenges are usually overcome quickly and powerfully. I feel I love my child and I even get spontaneous hugs now...
Hope this helps, maybe you can check them out on facebook, good luck.
> 60 days ago

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MrDee
MrDee writes:
When we try to control another person no matter how young this person may be we are playing a losing game. All involved lose. The parent, the child, the family and the world.
"If you keep doing what you are doing you will keep getting what you are getting"
> 60 days ago

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JeanneBrockmyer
JeanneBrock... writes:
Two year old behavior can be challenging.  Your biggest challenge, though, might be to figure out how to develop a consistent plan among the adults for how to manage the challenging behavior.  Try starting out with making an agreement on one behavior and don't pick the most challenging.  Maybe you could agree about how often he can have fast food at each house--once a week each place might be plenty. Then pick another specific behavior you can agree about to work on.
You are on the right track with time out, but sometimes this technique isn't as effective at his age as it is for older kids.  
When his language skills develop more, you will probably see gradual improvement in his behavior.  If he isn't speaking at least in short phrases right now you might want to talk with your pediatrician.  Slower language development can contribute to behavior problems.  
You are on the right track reaching out for help.  Try not to be discouraged if everything doesn't improve overnight.  

Jeanne H. Brockmyer, Ph. D., education.com expert clinical psychologist
> 60 days ago

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Jaz_Bruce
Jaz_Bruce writes:
something i would do is take him to a counceler because that is what my grandmother did to this boy who was spoiled like ur step son. u have to let him know ur house is ur house and not his.
> 60 days ago

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