Helping Your Child Become a Responsible Citizen: Activities I (page 4)

Making good decisions is an important part of strong character.

What to Do

	Children learn to exercise good judgment by having many opportunities to make decisions on their own.

• Think out loud when you are making a difficult decision, so that your child can hear how you do it.

• Regularly take time to make a family decision with your child so that she can practice with you. Help her learn to think about the pros and cons, the effects of the decision on others and how to meet her obligations as a family member and citizen.

• Talk with your child about decisions made by characters on TV or in stories. Ask him to decide whether the characters thought about everything they should have, whether the decision was the best decision and what he would have done if he were the character.

• Let your preschool child choose what to wear, even if it means her clothers don't always match. This will make her feel empowered and help build self-confidence.

Being a person of good character often requires having patience and sticking to something.

What to Do

	Children need to learn that they sometimes have to be willing to work hard and wait for good things to come to them.

• Let your child see you practice patience when doing a new or difficult task or when facing life's everyday frustrations, such as heavy traffic.

• Arrange to use a timer as you and your child work at a difficult task. For young children, start with one minute and build from there. This will build perseverance.

• Help your children understand that work comes before pleasure in simple everyday ways, such as homework before TV or chores before play.

• Make a game out of doing hard tasks. How many pieces of spilled popcorn can we pick up? Who can break the record for washing the most windows (washing them well, of course)? 

Is honesty always the best policy? Older children face many occasions that test the principle "honesty is the best policy." Your child may ask you, for example, "But do I have to tell Jesse the truth when she asks me if I like her new haircut? If I say yes, that's a lie. But if I say no, I'll hurt her feelings!" In addition, children often see and read about people who have become very successful and wealthy by being dishonest.

What to Do

	To learn the importance of honesty, children need to see that dishonest behavior can both hurt their reputations and cause others around them unhappiness.

• Ask your child to think of an answer she might say to her friend Jesse that would be honest and yet not hurt her feelings. Is there something about Jesse's haircut that she does like?

• Choose examples of sports figures, business leaders entertainers or politicians from the news who have been caught in dishonest acts and talk with your child about the consequences of those acts. Did "crime" really pay for them? Have their families benefited or suffered? How are they viewed by other people once their dishonesty is revealed?

• Have your child find books in which characters struggle with being honest. Read and talk about the books with your child. (Also see Resources this booklet for suggested books about honesty.) 

Benefiting from manipulating or lying to others is dishonest and can destroy trust.

What to Do

	Parents should be careful to follow through on things they say to their children. Commitments and promises that may seem minor to a parent can be very important to a child. If parents cannot follow through, they need to explain why they cannot meet the commitment.

• Tell or read to your child the fable "The Boy Who Cried 'Wolf." Point out that when the boy yells "wolf," he is lying as a way to get attention. Make sure your child understands that the boy paid for his lies: He had alarmed the villagers so many times, nobody came to his rescue when a real wolf showed up!

• Ask your child if anyone has misled her with a lie. How did that make her feel? What did she do? Does she still like and trust the person who told the lie?

• If you catch your child telling a lie, let him know that you do not approve and assign him some consequence—no watching of a favorite TV show, for example. But also ask him why he lied to you and reinforce the idea that he can always tell you the truth—regardless of how unpleasant it might be.

• You especially need to model honesty with your older child. Keep talking with her, being honest and expecting honesty in return. Adolescence is a time when children are faced with more temptations and often less supervision. They need you as a positive role model. 

A gift that shows effort and attention can mean more than a gift from the store.