Four Steps to a More Meaningful, Less Commercialized Holiday — With Kids (continued)

Robinson and Staeheli ask participants at their workshops to fantasize about their "perfect holiday." Give yourself a few moments to do this too. Close your eyes and visualize your dream holiday. Think of what you're doing, with whom and where, and of the sights, smells, tastes and feelings. Have your kids visualize their "perfect holiday," too. They will undoubtedly mention gifts! Ask them what their perfect celebration might involve beyond presents.

The responses that Robinson and Staeheli receive have similar (simple!) themes. The core of most families' holiday fantasies include "simple gifts, natural decorations, a fire, traditional food, leisurely schedules, music, time spent out of doors, an emphasis on family activities."

For most families, the journey from fantasy to fulfillment will involve concentrating on meaningful rituals and de-emphasizing the gift-giving tradition.

2. Focus on Meaningful Traditions

Make a list of all of your seasonal activities and obligations, even if you don't consider them to be "traditions." Which events and activities are meaningful and which aren't? Which ones reflect your values? Could your list use some tweaking, or maybe deletions and additions?

The key to de-emphasizing the season's materialism is to make your other holiday rituals interesting, fulfilling and fun. As Linda McDonough of Chapel Hill, North Carolina explains, "[my family has] so many great Advent and Christmas rituals that they overshadow the gifts."

The most treasured holiday rituals — those mentioned in people's "holiday fantasies" — typically involve family and friends, faith, nature, charity, music and the arts, or some combination of these. Here's a look at some new and old favorites:

Family/friends

Activities involving family and friends are perhaps the most important ones of the holidays; they can also, however, be the most tension-filled. If you feel stressed, chances are the entire family will feel stressed, too.

If elaborate dinners and parties are stressful for you, consider moving toward the twin goals of "potluck" and "casual." Instead of racing to multiple family get-togethers, spread the gatherings out and give yourself free time between obligations.

Linda McDonough's extended family gathers in the week after the holidays. Her parents, three siblings, and all of the grandkids come together for a potluck and modest gift exchange. "It's a good way to avoid the December 26th letdown," notes Linda, for both kids and adults.

Rituals that focus on family, friends and community take many forms. For example, Linda and her two daughters conduct a "cookie sneak" on St. Nicholas' Eve, the night of December 5th, baking gingerbread cookies and then "sneaking" them around to neighbors, leaving the treats anonymously on door steps. The kids love it, says Linda, and they learn the joy of giving in the process.

Faith

There are many faith-based rituals to draw upon. Your church may offer advent activities like caroling. Rhonda Ramos's church in Norman, Oklahoma, holds an Advent Workshop at the beginning of December, where kids and adults make gingerbread houses and homemade crafts to give as presents.

On each of the eight nights of Hanukah, Anne Prahl of Portland, Oregon reads a Jewish story to her two sons after lighting the menorah. Anne's sons still receive a gift on each night of Hanukah, but the gifts are very small, except on the eighth night when a few presents are opened. "They'll get one little gift, maybe a candy bar or some Silly Putty," says Anne. "I want to keep the focus on Hanukah," she explains — on listening to the Hanukah stories, playing dreidel and spending time together. "The kids look forward to these rituals all year long," says Anne.