Guidelines for Families (continued)

Allow yourself time to heal. Parents are often so focused on taking care of their families, that they do not take the time to take care of themselves.

Allow yourself time and space to express your feelings about what happened. Be patient with your emotional state, as it is normal after a trauma to experience mood fluctuations.

Ask for and provide support. Spend time talking with other adults who will understand what you are going through.While it is always a good idea to seek support from loved ones, remember that those in your typical support system may be compromised if they experienced the same event. If this is the case, you may want to find out about local support groups.

To the extent possible, engage in healthy behaviors such as eating nutritious meals and getting sufficient amounts of rest. Those who are able to maintain healthy behaviors tend to feel more in control of their lives and are more able to cope effectively. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol.

Maintain regular routines regarding eating, sleeping and exercising. Keeping to routines is helpful for both parents and children in getting the family back to normal life after a traumatic event.

Avoid making major life decisions. While it may be tempting to move or change jobs after a traumatic event, it is usually best to avoid making major life decisions during times of stress and turmoil.

If you are having difficulty functioning or are unable to perform daily tasks, consult with your physician or mental health professional. Remember that you will be of no help to your family if you are having difficulty helping yourself.

Guidelines for Friends and Family

Family and friends may provide a wonderful source of support for children and families who have been impacted by a disaster or other type of traumatic event. The following tips may be helpful for those who would like to comfort their loved ones during difficult times:

Give practical help. Ask what needs to be done or listen attentively for what might be needed. If you have a particular expertise, offer to share it. For example, someone with a financial background can offer help going through business papers while the parent of a child’s playmate can offer to babysit or carpool.

Avoid stock statements and provide genuine responses. Although they are well meaning, many people recite phrases that may sound empty or untrue, such as “you’ll be fine,”“time heals all wounds,” or “I know how you feel.” People in distress often appreciate just being heard. It is also okay to say, “I wish I knew what to say,” which indicates an open willingness to be there for the person in need.

Avoid judgments and comparisons. People are different, and may have varying reactions to stressful experiences. It is often more helpful to ask someone how they are doing than to tell a story about how someone else handled a similar situation.

Remember that the needs of traumatized people change over time. Usually there is a great deal of activity in the first weeks after a disaster or trauma. Once this subsides, there can be a tremendous void for the person and family. Friends are sometimes most helpful at this time, when others are likely to have moved on.

Helping children with special needs

Children with special needs, such as developmental delays or disabilities, generally have difficulties in the development of sufficient physical, emotional or intellectual capacities to cope with the demands of their environment. Developmental disabilities may include physical disorders such as cerebral palsy and limited vision, language and speech disorders, mental retardation and pervasive developmental disabilities such as autism.

Children with developmental disabilities exhibit different levels of understanding and emotional reactions to events in their environments.They also have different learning styles and patterns when dealing with normal events. Being aware of the impact that a disaster can have on developmentally disabled children is critical for both caregivers and professionals.

The basic principles and tips provided above and in Chapter 11 also apply to helping and supporting children with special needs and developmental disabilities. Yet, the everyday factors that are involved in working with disabled children assume even greater significance in times of crisis. Children with special needs require more time, support, guidance and nurturance to understand and internalize traumatic events than other children. Disabled children’s areas of weakness become more vulnerable when the content of the material is threatening. Following are some considerations to keep in mind when helping disabled children through the immediate crisis and future months.

Understand children's cognitive and emotionla functioning. It is important to understand how a child with special needs processes information on both a cognitive and emotional level. Children’s reactions are influenced by their disability.Take into account the child’s ability and capacity for understanding information, communicating what is heard and expressing feelings. For example, a child with a hearing impairment may not pick up cues and information from an event that involves sounds or language. A visually-impaired child may have difficulty interpreting facial expressions or may be confused by discussion of visual images. A child with mental retardation may not be able to fully understand the significance of an event, but will be impacted by others’ reactions.