How To Raise Drug-Free Teens (page 3)

What about when one parent is an alcoholic or inappropriately uses alcohol or drugs?  What can the other parent do?

Get help -- there should be no question about this.  Remember that teens follow examples better than they follow preaching.  You want them to see that this is not right.  Separate the drinking behavior from the sober behavior -- "Mom is a nice person who drinks too much!"  Don't make excuses for her.  You must confront her and talk about the effect on the children.  Explain that she needs professional help. Then insist that she gets it. Give an ultimatum.

Don't force your children to be around a parent, relative or anyone when they are uncomfortable with his or her behavior. Don’t make them hug or kiss them just because they are family.  This is very important, because you want them to learn that they can and should walk away from a person who uses drugs or alcohol inappropriately.

We are always talking about Role modeling at home.  What about cooking with alcohol?

Most alcohol dissipates when you cook, so the amount is minimal -- most is just alcohol flavor.  If the recipe calls for it, that is appropriate use.  If you choose not to use it at all, there are many substitutes you can use -- broth, vinegars or water.  Tell your children why you choose not to use it.

What if your kids ask you if you smoked marijuana When you were younger -- and you did?  Should you lie?

This is a tough one, and there is no “right” answer.  Some say you should never lie.  Explain the difference between the purity of the 60's and the 90's.  Then it was weaker and cleaner.  Now it is big business, and there is a lot of harmful filler in the supply today.  Plus, the character of the individuals involved then was less risky -- now profit is the main goal, not "peace and love."  But be forewarned -- once the cat is out of the bag, you can’t go back.

Other parents feel it is ok to lie about it if there is absolutely no chance that the child will find out, because some children will think that what is ok for the parent is ok for the child.  Parents have to decide what will work in their family.

Call Family Service at (402) 553-3000 or (877) 553-3001 for more information on parenting teenagers.

info@heartlandfamilyservice.org