Parenting a Child with ADD / ADHD (page 2)
The needs of a child with ADD/ADHD can overwhelm families and make home life a chaotic - but they don't have to. You can use strategies to influence and channel your child's behavior and can use exercise, the natural environment, and possibly diet to alleviate ADD/ADHD symptoms. And you don't have to go it alone, either. Find out how to begin turning frustration and chaos into appreciation and enjoyment of your child with ADD/ADHD.
Parenting a child with ADD/ADHD
If you have a child with ADHD, you know how frustrating it can be when your kid doesn't listen, do what you asked, or finish what was started. With the constant monitoring your child requires, it may feel as if he or she is the one running the home. This added stress can breed resentment, causing you to focus on your child's deficits while overlooking successes and positive traits. On top of that, you may also feel guilt over your frustration.
But despite the difficulties ADD/ADHD can cause both for you and your child, it doesn't mean that family life has to be chaotic and frustrating. There are many things you can do to lessen the impact of your child's condition. Living in a home that provides both love and structure is the best thing for a child or teenager who is learning to manage ADD/ADHD. With patience, compassion, and plenty of support, you can deal with childhood ADHD while enjoying a stable, happy home.
Tips for family life
It's important to remember that the child with ADD/ADHD who is ignoring you, annoying you, or embarrassing you is not acting willfully. Having ADD/ADHD can be just as frustrating as dealing with someone who has it. Kids with ADD/ADHD want to sit quietly; they want to make their rooms tidy and organized; they want to do everything Mom says to do, but they don't know how to make it happen. If you keep this in mind, it will be a lot easier to respond to you child in positive, supportive ways.
Believe in and support your child.
- Recognize everything that is positive, valuable, and unique about your child.
- Trust that your child can learn, change, mature, and succeed. Nurture your child's talents and channel those aspects of ADD/ADHD that can be channeled positively. Today's dreamer may be the next J.K. Rowling.
- Let your child make mistakes and learn from them, but be there for comfort when mistakes cause pain.
- Promote a healthy self-esteem by nurturing the skills your child needs and communicating your unwavering love, approval, and support.
Keep things in perspective.
- Remember, your child's behavior is related to a disorder. Most of the time it is not intentional.
- Hold on to your sense of humor. What's embarrassing today may be a funny family story ten years from now.
- Don't sweat the small stuff. One chore left undone isn't a big deal when your child has completed two others plus the day's homework.
- Be willing to make some compromises. If you're a perfectionist or someone who prizes order and decorum, your child is not the only one who needs to change.
Pay attention to the siblings.
- Educate siblings about ADD/ADHD.
- Establish a clear set of rules that everyone in the home must follow.
- Spend quality time with all your kids. Plan activities that are enjoyable for the whole family.
- Don't take the successes of your unaffected kids for granted. Praise their unique qualities, abilities, and achievements.
Let your unaffected children be kids. Don't enlist them as assistant parents — or blame them if the sibling with ADD/ADHD misbehaves under their supervision.
Take care of yourself.
- Look after your own health, and find ways to reduce stress.
- Find the support you need and take advantage of it.
- Cut yourself some slack if your child with ADD/ADHD doesn't become a model child overnight: you're a parent, not a magician.
Managing your child's ADD/ADHD
Children with ADD/ADHD generally have deficits in executive function: the ability to think and plan ahead, organize, control impulses, follow through, and complete tasks. That means you need to take over as the executive, providing extra guidance while your child slowly acquires executive skills of his or her own.
Your most important attributes in this process are common sense and a positive attitude. Common sense will tell you which behaviors to work on the most, when to negotiate and when to stand firm, and how to head off problems before they start. A positive attitude will help you see the small, praiseworthy successes that can add up to permanent improvement in your child's behavior.
Tips for managing your child's ADHD:
- Strong Communication. Be clear and concise when communicating with your child. Give instructions one step at a time; make requests one at a time.
- Be consistent. What you expect one day should be what you expect every day. Don't give in just because you're tired or the child is nagging.
- Set a good example. Show your child the behaviors you'd like to see. Be a model of patience, healthy habits, and good manners. Be at least as organized as you want your child to be.
- Anticipate and avoid problems. Know your child's triggers and what situations lead to problems. Become adept at heading off trouble before it starts.
- Praise good behavior. Praise is a powerful reinforcer, so make every effort to "catch your child being good".
- Negotiate and consult with your child. You're a parent, not a drill sergeant, so try to avoid barking orders at your child. Start a dialogue, and be open to what your kid has to say.
- Pick your battles. Not every situation requires intervention. Keep the big picture in mind and let the little things slide. If you don't, your home will be one of constant conflict and criticism.
Reprinted with the permission of Helpguide. © 2001-2008. All rights reserved.
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