Staying Home Alone: Is Your Child Ready for Self-Care? (continued)

• A man knocks at the door and says he has a delivery for you. He says he needs a signature and that it must be delivered today.
• A woman parked in front of your house says she has locked her keys in the car. She wants to know if she can use the phone in your house.
• You arrive home and a window is cracked open. Normally all windows are kept closed.
• You slip down the steps and twist your ankle. You can still walk, but it hurts.
• While walking home with a friend, an older child pushes you down and then walks off.

As you work with your child on these and other role plays, remember that it is beneficial to review/replay them every several months. Reviewing these difficult situations will help keep decision-making skills fresh in your child’s mind. Role playing, instead of just discussing these situations, will help your child know what to do in case one of these circumstances arise.

What can I do to make my child’s time at home easier? 

Begin with setting clear rules for your child. Work with him to develop these rules. If your children are involved in this process and understand the reasoning behind the rules, they are more likely to follow them. Keep in mind what your child is able to do at his age and what is safe for him to do on his own. For example, it may not be safe to require a ten year old to mow the entire yard before his parents return home. A more reasonable alternative would be for him to feed the dog and water the plants.

Remember to post the rules in clear view so your child can remember what is expected of her. Clear and consistent consequences will also help direct your child’s behavior.

There are many other things you can do to improve the quality of your child’s time at home. Post important telephone numbers near the phone. Always make sure the child can contact a designated adult in case you are not available. Discuss activities your child should accomplish (chores, homework, etc.) and help her think of new, fun things that she could do until you return. Leave notes of encouragement to let your child know she is doing a good job.

Obviously, the safety of your child is extremely important. Consider having a family password for other adults that may have interactions with your child while he is alone. Hide a spare key somewhere for your child or leave a copy with a trusted neighbor. Reassure children that it is okay not to answer the phone, not to open the door and not to provide help to a stranger. Teach your child to ask for help if he feels uncomfortable at any time.

Remember to periodically reevaluate your child’s situation and keep communication lines open to relieve any fears she may have about being alone. Working closely with your child can bring her relief and confidence, and can make your child’s experience at home satisfying and beneficial to her development. 

For more information see: Home Safety Checklist http://muextension.missouri.edu/explore/hesguide/humanrel/gh6020.htm

How They Grow – Elementary School Children, Ages 6 to 8 http://muextension.missouri.edu/explore/hesguide/humanrel/gh6230.htm

How They Grow – Elementary School Children, Ages 9 to 12 http://muextension.missouri.edu/explore/hesguide/humanrel/gh6231.htm

For order info about “At Home Alone” a 24 page self-study guide for families with children who spend time at home alone, see http://muextension.missouri.edu/explore/miscpubs/mp0636.htm.

Resources:

At Home Alone: A Self-Study Guide for Families with Children Who Spend Time at Home Alone, Karen DeBord, Department of Human Development and Family Studies, University of Missouri – Columbia, University Extension, MP636

Building Strong Families Program, Child Self-Care Module, University of Missouri Extension, originally written by Martha Bowen, HES Specialist

Reviewed by Kim Leon, Ph.D., Former Human Development and Family Studies, College of Human Environmental Sciences, University of Missouri-Columbia